Fellow posters, below you will find a glossary of terms to guide you through the current crisis.  This is a work in progress.

USM Crisis GLOSSARY

AAUP < 1. American Association of University Professors; 2. not a faculty union (collective bargaining is not an option in Mississippi).

Abbenyi, Abbenyi < well-known editorial cartoonist at The Student Printz, made famous by spoofing the Thames administration.

academic freedom < 1. freedom granted to the professoriate (by tenure) to explore controversial, though important, subject matter, without fear of reprisal or recrimination; at USM, it is a special freedom or privilege held by the president to change the locks on the doors and seize the computers of the professoriate, while he has them in his office demanding their resignation or be fired.

Anderson, Reuben < retired MS Supreme Court Justice appointed by Jim Hood to "ensure fairness" in the upcoming Glamser-Stringer hearings.

a bow tie affair < party that will soon be held honoring Aubrey K. Lucas coronation, for the third time, as USM president.

Braswell, Janet < 1. Hattiesburg American reporter that usually presents a pro-Thames slant in all of her writing; 2. too lazy to do real reporting, so she usually regurgitates Lisa Mader’s press releases verbatim as if they were gospel; 3. the only reporter one can think of that could attend a 1,000-person, anti-Thames rally in front of the Dome, find the only 3 Thames supporters in attendance, and take their photo and pen an article about a pro-Thames rally that occurred.

Brown, Riva < 1. reporter from The Clarion Ledger; 2. with assistance from geocities.com/fireshelby, she outed the IHL Board/Jim Hood scheme to give Shelby a little help in the Glamser-Stringer hearings.

Cain, Walt < newly-elected president of the Hub SGA.

Chain, Bobby < 1. former Hattiesburg mayor and IHL Board member from Hattiesburg, 2. once supported Shelby Thames’ administration, but has since turned in the other direction.

Chambers, Douglas < 1. member of USM history department accused by Thames (at infamous press conference) of cancelling his classes to facilitate student protests; 2. had documentation of jury duty instead, and never received apology from Thames; 3. product of a national job search.

Chaze, Kim < 1. lawyer representing Melissa Whiting and other USM faculty in lawsuits against USM; 2. soon to be an even wealthier individual thanks to Thames.

contumacious conduct < sex with secretary.

Cornett, Chad < Hub SGA executive who recently admitted what we’ve all known for sometime: the SGA is a pawn of the administration.

cross-training Provosts < job-training technique invented by Shelby Thames where the Gulf Coast Provost trains for the job there by serving on the Hattiesburg campus, and the Hattiesburg Provost trains for the job in Hattiesburg by serving as Provost at the Gulf Coast.

Denard, Deborah < 1. Hattiesburg city councilwoman; 2. recent supporter of Thames because she wants the 1% sales tax increase for USM athletic facilities to pass so she can syphon off some of the funds for improvements in her ward/district.

Dome Gnome < 1. nickname given to USM president Shelby Thames; 2. his (ST’s) personal favorite.

Doty, Harold < 1. first-year Dean of the College of Business and Economic Development; 2. believed to be the only first-year dean who came with tenure; 3. believed to be the one first-year dean that Thames most wants to terminate.

due process < 1. important provision in the U.S. Constitution providing protection against tyrants; 2. superceded at USM by the will of the Dome Gnome.

Dvorak, Angeline < 1. currently the Vice President for Research and Economic Development at USM; 2. product of a Thames job search; 3. formerly a Tenured Associate Professor of English at the University of Kentucky, Lexington, KY; 4. clinches her fist and makes her eyes turn red when she gets mad; 5. will sue anyone who questions her credentials.

Dvorak, Mark < 1. husband of Angeline Dvorak and former law partner of John I. Hanbury; 2. currently the Director of Human Resources at USM; 3. product of a Thames job search; 4. before being hired as HR Director at USM, he sat around Angie’s house watching Live with Regis and Kelly and Oprah all day.

Enterprise State Junior College < 1. one of two community/junior colleges where Angeline Dvorak got the requisite experience/training to hold a VP-position at a national university; 2. located in Enterprise, AL.

Faculty Senate < 1. official government body of the USM faculty; 2. represents USM faculty in governance matters; 3. Thames says they simply represent themselves (Neil McMillan quote).

Fire Shelby < anonymous moderator of the website geocities.com/fireshelby.

firethames.com < 1. website devoted to "T-R-U-T-H," or "Thames Resign and Restore USM’s Trust and Honor"; 2. website ably run by "truth4usm."

Founder’s Day Celebration < 1. USM’s annual birthday party; 2. an important event for USM alumni and supporters; 3. President Shelby Thames was vacationing in Texas instead of celebrating Founder’s Day 2004.

geocities.com/fireshelby < 1. website devoted to restoring academic integrity and excellence to the hallowed halls of the University of Southern Mississippi; 2. website ably run by Fire Shelby.

Glamser, Frank < 1. Professor of Anthropology and Sociology at USM, fired without due process; 2. product of a national job search decades ago; 3. fine scholar and individual; 4. has(d) tenure, but not Thames job insurance; 5. USM faculty and Faculty Senate both overwhemingly voted that they would rather have Frank Glamser as a colleague than Shelby Thames (statement attributed to Noel Polk).

Gulf Coast Community College < 1. one of two community/junior colleges where Angeline Dvorak got the requisite experience/training to hold a VP-position at a national university; 2. located in Panama City, FL, along the coastline of the "Redneck Riviera."

Hanbury, John I. < 1. currently the Director of Resources and Risk Management at USM; 2. product of a Thames job search; 3. formerly the director of 3 Kentucky companies listed in "bad standing" by the State of Kentucky in the mid/late 1990s; 4. failed lawyer, or else he would be practicing real law at a real, private sector law firm; 5. brought to USM by president Shelby Thames to carve legal bases for firing tenured USM faculty members; 6. author of the working draft of the faculty handbook; 7. Soon-to-be author of the newly drafted SGA Constitution under the auspices of SGA president Walt Cain.

The Hattiesburg American < 1. local newspaper; 2. offers schizophrenic editorials, one day supporting Thames and the next day admonishing his actions.

Holmes, Bud < 1. pro-Thames citizen of Petal, MS; 2. coined the meaning behind the phrase turtle President.

Hood, Jim < 1. newly-elected Attorney General of MS who intervened in a non-neutral way to assist Shelby Thames in the upcoming Glamser-Stringer hearings; 2. did so by appointing Jackson lawyer Jim Keith to "ensure fairness," 3. fraudulent effort uncovered by geocities.com/fireshelby and Riva Brown.

Howell, Krandall < pro-Thames car salesman in McComb, MS.

Hub SGA < 1. name given to the USM student government association; 2. association of USM students elected by a majority of the USM student body to represent the concerns and issues of the Thames administration.

IHL Board < 1. governing body of Institutions of Higher Learning in Mississippi; 2. seems to know little about "higher education," and even less about governing these days; 3. slim majority seems to pro-Thames all the way.

Keith, Jim < 1. Jackson lawyer appointed by newly-elected Attorney General Jim Hood to "ensure fairness," in the upcoming Glamser-Stringer hearings; 2. fraudulent effort to effect "fairness" uncovered by geocities.com/fireshelby and Riva Brown.

Klumb, Roy < 1. Fordice appointee to the Mississippi IHL Board; 2. unconditionally supports the Thames administration in all its endeavors; 3. wouldn’t understand "conflict of interest" if it bit his bum.

Lassen, Gregg < 1. currently the Vice President for Financial Affairs at USM; 2. formerly Dean of Graduate Business Studies at the University of Phoenix (online university); 3. "retired" lobbyist at the age of 40; 4. failed politician in Texas and Utah; 5. a PhD student in USM’s own world-renown program in Economic Development; 6. product of a Thames job search.

Mader, Lisa < 1. android spokesperson, tows the company line; 2. got 14.4% raise this February for doing such a good job at it; 3. product of a Thames job search.

Mahogany Bar < 1. bar connected to Crescent City/Purple Parrot; 2. watering hole frequented by the Dvoraks and the Hanburys (and Mader some times).

Malone, Ken < 1. currently chair of economic development department and Chief Operating Officer of USM Gulf Coast; 2. brings polymer science degree and a wealth of academic experience to the job of department chair of a department in the business college; 3. formerly worked under his major professory, Shelby Thames, while a PhD student at USM (a Thames wunderkind); 4. product of a Thames job search; 5. wife also works at USM (another product of a Thames job search).

McMillen, Neil < 1. retired USM professor of history; 2. outspoken critic of Thames administration; 3. eloquent speaker, a true wordsmith; 4. once a product of a national job search.

mid-year raises < 1. practice initiated by the Thames administration of giving raises in January instead of the beginning of the school year; 2. this practice makes it easier to conceal nepotism and cronyism, and allows for the secrecy that is necessary to "divide and conquer" the faculty (Neil McMillen quote).

Moore, Chris < 1. Hub SGA senator who thought it a good idea to sponsor resolution in support of Angie Dvorak’s credentials and impressive resume; 2. he actually said to the media: who cares if she wasn’t a tenured associate professor of english at Kentucky, we didn’t hire her to be a faculty member, we hired her to be a vice president.

Moore, Cynthia < 1. current USM Associate Provost; 2. meteorically rose to prominence from a fashion merchandising faculty position to high-level administrator at USM.

national job search < type of job search where resumes are sought from the best and brightest across the nation and the globe to fill an employment vacancy.

Nicholson, Carl < 1. Hattiesburg resident, and IHL Board member; 2. staunch pro-Thames figure; 3. as things are slipping away from Thames and his term is ending, Nicholson thinks he can go quietly into the night now.

perpetual student education < 1. the farcical/nonsense third side argument made by newly-elected Hub SGA president Walt Cain recently; 2. supposedly describes Cain’s stance on the current crisis at USM.

Polk, Noel < 1. professor of English at USM; 2. product of a national job search; 3. staunchly anti-Thames, famous for the "...world class foot.." quote.

Pood, Elliott < 1. First-year Dean of USM’s College of Arts and Letters; 2. hid in his office while Shelby Thames carried out his Pearl Harbor-style attack on USM professors Frank Glamser and Gary Stringer; 3. recently surfaced to praise the hiring of Glamser’s teaching replacement.

pump up resume < 1. term used by Angeline Dvorak to describe why she sought a JD degree from Thomas Cooley Law School in the mid-1990s; 2. term also incriminates her use of the "tenured associate professor of english at Kentucky" statement (on her resume).

Quinlivan, Rachel < 1. currently the editor of The Student Printz; 2. carrying on Robbie Ward’s legacy in search of the truth.

Shanteau-Newton, Virginia < 1. IHL Board member from the Gulf Coast; 2. the only board member with a USM degree (currently); 3. Nostradamus-like vision: "I feared this would happen . . . this is what I feared...."

Stringer, Gary < 1. Moorman Professor of English at USM, fired without due process; 2. product of a national search decades ago; 3. world-renown scholar, the Donne Vrarorium, etc; 4. has(d) tenure, but not Thames job insurance; 5. USM faculty and Faculty Senate both overwhemingly voted that they would rather have Gary Stringer as a colleague than Shelby Thames (statement attributed to Noel Polk).

The Student Printz < 1. USM’s official student newspaper; 2. ably guided by Art Kaul of USM’s Department of Journalism; 3. newspaper that led Thames to conclude that we aren’t properly educating our journalism students any more.

tenure < 1. special employment status granted to those in the academy, in an effort to secure academic freedom for the professoriate; 2. apparently, it is a somewhat inferior protection to Thames job insurance.

third side < 1. fictitious, nonexistent side of a(n) argument or controversy, where spineless political leaders run and hide when the heat turns up; 2. political term coined by newly-elected Hub SGA president Walt Cain.

Thames job insurance < 1. employment protection provided by USM president Shelby Thames for upper-level administrators at the school; 2. job protection for administrators at USM ,superior to tenure, and unavailable to USM faculty; 3. phrase coined by Abbenyi Abbenyi in a editorial cartoon.

Thames job search < 1. the type of job search to fill an upper-level (or other) administrative appointment without placing advertisements in the proper venue, seeking candidates across a national spectrum, or following EEOC regulations; 2. job search popularized by USM president Shelby Thames, where family, friends and cronies are hired to important management positions without doing a national job search.

Thames, Dana < 1. Chair of CISE at USM; 2. harbors professional jealousy, runs off competent faculty members; 3. being sued by Melissa Whiting for nepotism; 4. got huge raise from her dad last year.

Thames, Shelby < 1. the current and embattled President of the University of Southern Mississippi who fired two professors without due process and committed countless other egregious acts; 2. "bucket and paddle" scientist; 3. Dome Gnome (his personal favorite); 4. Saddam.

truth4usm < moderator of the website firethames.com.

Thomas Cooley Law School < 1. East Lansing institution where Angeline Dvorak received her JD, and also went to pump up her resume.

Tuesdays with Thames < Tuesday meetings between Thames and students at the Hub that became necessary after the Peter Principle became clear (regarding Thames’ ability to lead USM).

turtle President < 1. a university president who’s not afraid to stick his neck out and with whom the institution can get on down the road (Bud Holmes quote); 2. the problem is, that road can lead to disaster.

2 Trolleys < 1. the two trolleys USM "acquired" from the City of Hattiesburg, used to transport USM faculty/staff/students to restaurants in downtown Hattiesburg, all under to guise of economic development; 2. brainstorm of brainchild Ken Malone, and apparently a complete bust.

vacationing in Texas < political codename for president Thames’ absence, used to diguise the fact that he is hiding from political troubles of his own making.

Vann Hook Golf Course < 1. USM golf course killed by Angeline Dvorak and Gregg Lassen to make way for an innovation park; 2. Vann family found out in the newspaper like everyone else.

The Varsity Voice < 1. new student newspaper to be introduced in the ‘04-‘05 academic year at USM by newly-elected Hub SGA president Walt Cain; 2. new student newspaper to serve as the mouthpiece of the administration, with editorials written by Lisa Mader, "news" coverage provided by Mader’s staff, with the financial backing of pro-Thames people in the private sector.

Ward, Robbie < 1. former editor of The Student Printz; 2. got the ball rolling on many of the Thames administration scandals as editor.

Whiting, Melissa < 1. former CISE faculty member who is suing the Thameses for falsely reporting her academic accomplishments while at USM and for violating State nepotism laws; 2. has retained famed attorney Kim Chaze and may soon get very wealthy off of the State of Mississippi.

world class university < 1. according to the Thames administration, one that maligns and attacks its own faculty (Neil McMillen quote); 2. fills important posts via Thames job searches.