USM Crisis GLOSSARY

AAUP < 1. American Association of University Professors; 2. not a faculty union (collective bargaining is not an option in Mississippi).

Abbenyi, Abbenyi < well-known editorial cartoonist at The Student Printz, made famous by spoofing the Thames administration.

academic freedom < 1. freedom granted to the professorate (by tenure) to explore controversial, though important, subject matter, without fear of reprisal or recrimination; at USM, it is a special freedom or privilege held by the president to change the locks on the doors and seize the computers of the professoriate, while he has them in his office demanding their resignation or be fired.

Adelman, Mike < 1. attorney representing Professors Glamser and Stringer; 2. could not get his calls returned by USM attorney Jim Keith, who was inserted into the process in a non-neutral way by the IHL Board and Mississippi Attorney General Jim Hood as a measure to "ensure fairness" (see Jim Hood and Jim Keith).

ADP < 1. Area Development Partnership of Hattiesburg; 2. public-private joint venture to attract business spending to Hattiesburg area; 3. uncomfortably close the Shelby Thames’ administration at USM.

Albertson’s building < 1. large, vacant facility at Cloverleaf Mall; 2. purchased early in the Thames administration for a reported $1.2 million sum; 3. was to be renovated with state bond issue money amounting to $3.5 million, but Thames wanted to divert these funds to construct the Economic Development Center, or so the story on the street goes (see Trent Lott and Haley Barbour). 4. this site is now rumored to belong to Forrest General Hospital, in return (to USM) for the old Southern Aire Motel next to Wallgreens at the corner of Hwy 49 and Hardy Street; 5. the theory is that without a nursing facility to renovate, the dome can now use the funds to complete the ED Center (of course, the nurses get hosed).

American Pride Paint < 1. odorless paint invented by Shelby Thames; 2. available in only one color (beige).

Anderson, David < 1. former Vice President of Property and Physical Plant at USM; 2. leaving USM for the greener pastures in Jackson; 3. was rapidly developing lower back pain and joint problems fulfilling all of Thames’ requests to have locks changed on faculty offices; 4. also became bored applying American Pride Paint (it comes only in a single color, beige).

Anderson, Reuben < retired MS Supreme Court Justice appointed by Jim Hood to "ensure fairness" in the upcoming Glamser-Stringer hearings.

Apocalypse Here < black market digital video disc depicting the current horror at USM.

APPEAL < automobile license plate of USM’s Risk Manager, John ("aka" Jack) Hanbury.

Barbour, Haley < 1. Governor of Mississippi; 2. persistently prods the Thames administration (in the media) to hurry up and get the Economic Development Center off the ground; 3. USM’s Spring ‘04 commencement speaker.

a bow tie affair < party that will soon be held honoring Aubrey K. Lucas’ coronation, for the third time, as USM president.

Braswell, Janet < 1. Hattiesburg American reporter that usually presents a pro-Thames slant in all of her writing; 2. too lazy to do real reporting, so she usually regurgitates Lisa Mader’s press releases verbatim as if they were gospel; 3. the only reporter one can think of that could wade through a 1,000-person, anti-Thames rally in front of the Dome, find the only 3 Thames supporters in attendance, and take their photo and pen an article about a pro-Thames rally that occurred.

Brown, Riva < 1. reporter from The Clarion Ledger; 2. with assistance from geocities.com/fireshelby, she outed the IHL Board/Jim Hood scheme to give Shelby a little help in the Glamser-Stringer hearings.

Bryant, Phil < 1. Mississippi State Auditor; 2. Hey Phil, there are some untoward things going on over at USM — you should check it out when you get a minute or two.

Cabana, Don < 1. Associate Professor of Criminal Justice at USM, and former President of USM’s Faculty Senate (prior to its current President, Myron Henry); 2. famous for "30 pieces of silver" incident; 3. a recent Thames supporter, though as FS President, not completely so; 4. leaving USM in May of 2004 to become Superintendent of Parchman Prison.

Cade, Ruth A. < 1. former faculty member in COST; 2. stood for academic integrity in a battle against the Thames administration and lost, but may soon tell her story through legal channels (Neil McMillen); 3. one of the earliest Thames casualties.

Cain, Walt < newly-elected president of the Hub SGA.

Cameron, Jim < 1. Producer of WDAM-TV news; 2. noticeably) silent (relatively) on the USM crisis.

Chain, Bobby < 1. former Hattiesburg mayor and IHL Board member from Hattiesburg, 2. once supported Shelby Thames’ administration, but has since turned in the other direction.

Chambers, Douglas < 1. member of USM history department accused by Thames (at infamous press conference) of cancelling his classes to facilitate student protests; 2. had documentation of jury duty instead, and never received apology from Thames; 3. product of a national job search.

Chaze, Kim < 1. lawyer representing Melissa Whiting and other USM faculty in lawsuits against USM; 2. soon to be an even wealthier individual thanks to Thames.

CISE < 1. Department of Curriculum, Instruction and Special Education at USM; 2. USM department chaired by Shelby Thames’ progeny Dana Thames; 3. many of department’s best/brightest are being shown the door (but are firing back with litigation), and department seems destined for future troubles.

contumacious conduct < sex with secretary.

The Clarion-Ledger < 1. unofficial state newspaper of MS; 2. employs reporter Riva Brown, who covers the Thames administration and current USM crisis; 3. other than Brown, has not impressed.

Clark, Cheryl < 1. Gary Stringer’s research assistant, now left without her major professor and her source of income (see my most prized possession); 2. worked with Donne Variorum.

Coffman, Homer < 1. first-ever Chief Information Officer hired by USM (April, 2004); 2. placed in charge of iTech.

College of the Arts < 1. now-defunct College from USM’s history; 2. a rare find in the nation, and one of the most well-known in the South; 3. a pleasant memory during this whole mess.

Cornett, Chad < Hub SGA executive who recently admitted what we’ve all known for sometime: the SGA is a pawn of the administration.

cross-training Provosts < job-training technique invented by Shelby Thames where the Gulf Coast Provost trains for the job there by serving as Provost on the Hattiesburg campus, and the Hattiesburg Provost trains for the job in Hattiesburg by serving as Provost at the Gulf Coast.

CSUSM < 1. Concerned Students of USM; 2. courageous student activists fighting to restore integrity to USM against a tyrannical administration and a sometime hostile business community; 3. current slogan for Thames: "Don’t go away mad, just go away."

Denard, Deborah < 1. Hattiesburg city councilwoman; 2. recent supporter of Thames because she wants the 1% sales tax increase for USM athletic facilities to pass so she can syphon off some of the funds for improvements in her ward/district.

Dome Gnome < 1. nickname given to USM president Shelby Thames; 2. his (ST’s) personal favorite.

Doty, Harold < 1. first-year Dean of the College of Business and Economic Development; 2. believed to be the only first-year dean who came with tenure; 3. believed to be the one first-year dean that Thames most wants to terminate.

Downtown Lunch Express < see 2 Trolleys.

Drug & Alcohol Policy < 1. USM policy regarding employee use of drugs and alcohol during work hours; 2. written by Jack Hanbury; 3. policy employs a "no trace whatsoever" standard (the chemistry equivalent to solid grounds) that would go so far as to disallow use of cough drops on USM premises; 4. policy delayed by USM under instructions (reportedly) from IHL Board given inconsistencies with policies of the other four-year institutions in the State.

Dude, where’s my Prof? < slogan popularized by student activists at the beginning of the Glamser-Stringer controversy.

due process < 1. important provision in the U.S. Constitution providing protection against tyrants; 2. superceded at USM by the will of the Dome Gnome.

Dvorak, Angeline < 1. currently the Vice President for Research and Economic Development at USM; 2. product of a Thames job search; 3. formerly a Tenured Associate Professor of English at the University of Kentucky, Lexington, KY; 4. clinches her fist and makes her eyes turn red when she gets mad; 5. will sue anyone who questions her credentials.

Dvorak, Mark < 1. husband of Angeline Dvorak and former law partner of John I. Hanbury; 2. currently the Director of Human Resources at USM; 3. product of a Thames job search; 4. before being hired as HR Director at USM, he sat around Angie’s house watching Live with Regis and Kelly and Oprah all day.