M

Mader, Lisa < 1. android spokesperson, tows the company line; 2. got 14.4% raise this February for doing such a good job at it; 3. product of a Thames job search.

Mader, Lisa Slay < see Lisa Mader.

Mader math < 1. malleable mathematical operations used to more effectively flack for the administration you support; 2. e.g., enrollment grew by 4% from last fall to this fall, and it grew by 3% from last spring to this spring. In summary, our enrollment grew 7% last year.

Mahogany Bar < 1. bar connected to Crescent City/Purple Parrot; 2. watering hole frequented by the Dvoraks and the Hanburys (and Mader some times).

Malone, Ken < 1. currently chair of economic development department and Chief Operating Officer of USM Gulf Coast; 2. brings polymer science degree and a wealth (or dearth?) of academic experience to the job of department chair of a department in the business college; 3. formerly worked under his major professor, Shelby Thames, while a PhD student at USM (a Thames wunderkind); 4. product of a Thames job search; 5. wife also works at USM (another product of a Thames job search).

Martin, Jim < 1. former USM Librarian (Head of Cook Library); 2. quietly forced out of his position early in the Thames administration.

Maute, Nikki Davis < 1. reporter for The Hattiesburg American; 2. probes a little bit deeper into USM crisis stories than her cohort Janet Braswell.

McCain, William < 1. USM President preceding Aubrey Lucas administration; 2. nicknamed "the General" for his iron-fisted leadership; 3. provided a leadership role model for Shelby Thames, during Thames’ formative years on the USM faculty.

McFall, Linda < 1. former VP of Financial Affairs at USM, now working in a similar capacity with the IHL Board; 2. former USM official who reportedly may soon drop a dime.

McMillen, Neil < 1. retired USM professor of history; 2. outspoken critic of Thames administration; 3. eloquent speaker, a true wordsmith; 4. once a product of a national job search.

mid-year raises < 1. practice initiated by the Thames administration of giving raises in January instead of the beginning of the school year; 2. this practice makes it easier to conceal nepotism and cronyism, and allows for the secrecy that is necessary to "divide and conquer" the faculty (Neil McMillen quote).

Montague, Becky < 1. member of the USM Alumni Association Board; 2. wrote passionate and eloquent letter to state newspaper outlining the disastrous tenure of President Shelby Thames.

Moore, Chris < 1. Hub SGA senator who thought it a good idea to sponsor resolution in support of Angie Dvorak’s credentials and impressive resume; 2. he actually said to the media: who cares if she wasn’t a tenured associate professor of english at Kentucky, we didn’t hire her to be a faculty member, we hired her to be a vice president.

Moore, Cynthia < 1. current USM Associate Provost; 2. meteorically rose to prominence from a fashion merchandising faculty position to high-level administrator at USM.

my most prized possession < 1. phrase coined by USM President Shelby Thames to describe how he feels about USM students. In fact, the students are the focus of every decision he makes. Students are so close to his heart that he claims each and every one as a dependent on his annual 1040 form.

Napoleon complex < 1. Napoleon’s name is often connected with overreaching military ambition and delusions of grandeur; 2. because Napoleon was short, overly aggressive men of short stature are sometimes said to have a "Napoleon complex" (The New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy, 3rd Edition, 2002); see Shelby Thames for classic case study.

national job search < type of job search where resumes are sought from the best and brightest across the nation and the globe to fill an employment vacancy.

Nazi uniform < brown shirt uniform with swastika worn by USM President Shelby Thames in a picture that was photographed and published in a recent issue of The Chronicle of Higher Education.

Nicholson, Carl < 1. Hattiesburg resident, and IHL Board member; 2. staunch pro-Thames figure; 3. as things are slipping away from Thames and his term is ending, Nicholson thinks he can go quietly into the night now.

no stone left unturned on Hardy Street < 1. statement made by Shelby Thames in the early part of his administration; 2. Thames statement indicating plans to transform USM into a vo-tech institute; 3. foot-in-mouth statement made by Shelby Thames inadvertently reminding USM faithful and the public of the Hardy Street High insult.

Paint & Coatings Magazine < 1. "bucket and paddle" trade publication; 2. named Shelby Thames Man-of-the-Year last year.

Panton, Ken < 1. Dean of USM’s Honors College; 2. reportedly accepted a Thames administration offer to be Honors College Dean at a previously agreed upon salary, only to get a "Dear John" letter from Thames on his first day at the helm indicating that his actual salary would have to be much less than what had previously been agreed to.

Paul, Joseph < 1. currently serves as the Vice President of Student Affairs at USM; 2. bleeds black and gold (USM school colors); 3. has been affiliated with USM since long before a Thames job search was ever conducted; 4. current finalist for the post of Vice President of Student Affairs at Texas A&M University in College Station, TX; 5. must now decide whether he wants to work around the current traditions at Texas A&M — the 12th man, Revelie, and Yell Leaders — or those currently building at USM — Tuesdays with Thames, anti-Thames protests on south lawn of the AKL Adminstration, Building, and reading The Varsity Voice/discussing the third side of issues of the day.

perpetual student education < 1. the farcical/nonsense third side argument made by newly-elected Hub SGA president Walt Cain recently; 2. supposedly describes Cain’s stance on the current crisis at USM.

phantom students < 1. the 674 students that magically appeared on USM’s Fall semester 2003 roll sheet turned in to the IHL Board that also magically disappeared the following day; 2. overcount of USM students in the Fall of 2003 as a result of human error.

Pileum Corporation < 1. management consulting firm from Jackson, MS; 2. working with USM in the area of technology implementation; 3. rumor has it that Pileum Corporation is one of a few firms to be awarded contract work from USM without having to go through a competitive bid process (see Phil Bryant).

Piliawsky, Monte < author of the 1981 book, Exit 13.

Polk, Noel < 1. professor of English at USM; 2. product of a national job search; 3. staunchly anti-Thames, famous for the "...world class foot.." quote.

Pood, Elliott < 1. first-year Dean of USM’s College of Arts and Letters; 2. hid in his office while Shelby Thames carried out his Pearl Harbor-style attack on USM professors Frank Glamser and Gary Stringer; 3. actually made statements on the first day of the firings that sounded a lot like Walt Cain’s third side argument about perpetual student education, though Cain coined the phrase; 4. recently surfaced to praise the hiring of Glamser’s teaching replacement.

pump up resume < 1. term used by Angeline Dvorak to describe why she sought a JD degree from Thomas Cooley Law School in the mid-1990s; 2. term also incriminates her use of the "tenured associate professor of english at Kentucky" statement (on her resume).

Quinlivan, Rachel < 1. currently the editor of The Student Printz; 2. carrying on Robbie Ward’s legacy in search of the truth.

Ramsey, Marshall < 1. Pulitzer Prize-winning editorial cartoonist appearing in The Clarion Ledger; 2. spoofs thee Thames administration by depicting Shelby Thames as the evil doctor played by Mike Meyers in the Austin Powers movie series.

red-blooded American male < 1. common usage: a man’s man; 2. a double-dog dare that Shelby Thames uses in the media to get underpaid USM faculty to take on his million-dollar public relations machine in the "court of public opinion".

resume < 1. employment document listing all one has done and been in his/her professional life; 2. for USM administrators, what you wish you had been able to do and be can also be included without negative consequences (they have Thames job insurance).

Risk Manager < 1. useful henchman for iron-fisted leaders; 2. helps administration of an organization get around, for a time, the pesky legal restrictions and constitutional protections.

sanitizing the website < routine (daily) practice by iTech officials at USM of removing exaggerations and untruths from various parts of USM’s official homepage, especially after feeling the heat of geocities.org/fireshelby and other watchdogs.

Schilling, Ryan < 1. USM alumnus who was removed from Reed Green Coliseum by USM police officers for participating in a calm, orderly protest of the Thames administration during a USM mens basketball game; 2. USM alumnus who protested Thames in the Greenhouse, and has since become a community icon.

Sex with Secretary Equals Misuse of USM Property < ubiquitous sign at anti-Thames rallies on campus.

Shanteau-Newton, Virginia < 1. IHL Board member from the Gulf Coast; 2. the only board member with a USM degree (currently); 3. Nostradamus-like vision: "I feared this would happen . . . this is what I feared...."

Shelby Thames University < a Carnegie 23Z-YVR4-subsectionXIV "practical arts" institution.

Siltanen, Susan < 1. Assistant Provost at USM; 2. committed the unthinkable — human error — during her service to the Thames administration when she misreported USM enrollment figures, leading to Shelby Thames’ false claim (see The Student Printz) that USM had surpasses Mississippi State as the state’s largest university; 3. mis/overcounted USM’s Fall 2003 enrollment by 674 students (see phantom students); 4. if you don’t believe the miscount theory, the Thames administration asks that you buy the theory that Siltanen, acting as a maverick, "broken arrow" USM administrator, took it upon herself to knowingly misreport USM enrollment figures (Roy Klumb and Carl Nicholson apparently bought one, or both, of these theories); 5. Siltanen relieved by Thames from enrollment reporting responsibilities on solid grounds.

Slay, Lisa < see Lisa Mader.

solid grounds < 1. the standard of evidence/proof employed by the Thames administration in its investigations; 2. a standard of evidence/proof more sound than "beyond any reasonable doubt"; 3. this standard is met if, and only if, a risk manager and a group of unnamed "outside attorneys" review a packet of evidence from an investigation conducted by someone with a conflict of interest (e.g., that same risk manager, who is a good friend of the person he is asked to investigate) and decide that a punishment is indeed necessary. This standard is also most likely to be met when unnamed sources voluntarily provide useful information that indicates that the alleged transgression "was worse than anyone ever imagined."

Southern Diversified Products, LLC < 1. Mississippi MURA Company, located on Hardy Street across from Lake Byron on the USM campus; 2. employs USM polymer science students to mix American Pride Paint for the Shelby Thames Research Group.

Spigener, Sarah < 1. former Vice President of the Hub SGA; 2. refused to criticize Angeline Dvorak’s credentials even after discovering she and the rest of the Hub SGA had been misled by Dvorak (see Chad Cornett); 3. maintains now that Dvorak has done too much good for USM students to question her credentials (see Van Hook Golf Course for example of the good things Dvorak has done for students).

Stringer, Gary < 1. Moorman Professor of English at USM, fired without due process; 2. product of a national job search decades ago; 3. world-renown scholar, the Donne Variorum, etc; 4. has(d) tenure, but not Thames job insurance; 5. USM faculty and Faculty Senate both overwhelmingly voted that they would rather have Gary Stringer as a colleague than Shelby Thames (statement attributed to Noel Polk).

Strossen, Nadine < 1. national president of the ACLU; 2. spoke at anti-Thames rally on the Bennett Auditorium lawn on April 6, 2004.

The Student Printz < 1. USM’s official student newspaper; 2. newspaper whose scathing editorials on the corruption at USM that led Thames to conclude that we aren’t properly educating our journalism students any more; 3. broken more Thames-scandal stories than Hattiesburg American.

The Sun Herald < 1. the Biloxi-Gulfport area news authority; 2. middle-of-the pack coverage.

Swan, Randy < 1. WDAM-TV news anchor; 2. conducted interview with Shelby Thames where Thames debuted the phrase well-oiled machine.