E

economic development < 1. Shelby Thames’ idea that all that USM is really good for is to serve the Pine Belt as a fiscal stimulus package (not as a center of higher learning); 2. made part of the university’s mission by current administration — one of the four corners (pillars) of the school’s existence; 3. of all the words/phrases in this glossary, if only one would never be heard from again in the post-Thames era, this would probably get the most votes.

efficiency < 1. the quality or product of being efficient, which is acting or producing effectively with a minimum of waste, expense or unnecessary effort; 2. the ratio of the effective or useful output to the total input in any system; 3. what Shelby Thames was hired by the IHL Board to bring to day-to-day activities at USM. Two examples, regarding the two most high-profile employee terminations, show just how successful Thames has been. First, when all of USM’s deans were terminated in the university restructuring plan, which itself is still saving millions and millions of dollars (today) even over 1 year after its implementation, Thames placed a single ad in The Chronicle of Higher Education for 5 new deans, thus saving the expense of buying 5 separate ads (sheer genius). This was possible without hurting USM’s reputation (given that applicants might have inferred something scary since the single ad hinted at wholesale terminations/replacements) because USM’s "brand" is very "robust" with Thames at the helm (see Danny Mitchell). Second, Thames fired two professors, Frank Glamser and Gary Stringer, without involving his $145,000/yr. Provost Tim Hudson, who supposedly represents the administration in all of its academic affairs. It would have been a shame, in fact inefficient, to have also involved Tim Hudson when Thames’ risk manager and a cadre of un-named outside attorneys (who supposedly worked pro bono; pro bono=efficiency) already had the case on solid grounds, and Hudson’s involvement would have only increased the costs of the matter without altering its outcome. Examples of efficiency at USM abound. For more details, contact Lisa Mader in USM’s Public Relations department.

Enterprise State Junior College < 1. one of four community/junior colleges where Angeline Dvorak got the requisite experience/training to hold a VP-position at a national university; 2. located in Enterprise, AL.

Exit 13 < 1981 book by Monte Piliawsky detailing corruption at USM during the William McCain era.

fact < 1. something that has been objectively verified; 2. something presented as objectively real; 3. something having real, demonstrable existence; 4. for Thames’ version, see solid grounds.

Faculty Senate < 1. official government body of the USM faculty; 2. represents USM faculty in governance matters; 3. Thames says they simply represent themselves (Neil McMillen quote).

FAR < 1. Faculty Activity Report; 2. brainstorm of Shelby Thames; 3. A voluminous document that does not probe at all into the quality of teaching by faculty, despite the fact that USM students are the president’s most prized possession.

FIA < 1. Freedom of Information Act; 2. federal statute giving citizens/taxpayers the right to explore goings on in public institutions, such as colleges/universities; 3. hundreds of these have recently been filed with USM, so many that Shelby Thames might have to do a Thames job search and hire a Director of Freedom of Information Act requests; 4. whenever a FIA is filed, Lisa Mader states to the media that the University has still not decided whether it will release requested information or not (i.e., they haven’t decided whether or not they will comply with federal law in this or that instance).

15-1-11 < 1. recorded vote of Chris Moore’s resolution in the Hub SGA supporting Angeline Dvorak’s impeccable resume; 2. note the "overwhelming" show of "support" in the last two places (yea-nay-abstain) of the outcome, as stated by Chris Moore and Sarah Spigener.

Fire Shelby < moderator of the website geocities.com/fireshelby.

firethames.com < 1. website devoted to "T-R-U-T-H," or "Thames Resign and Restore USM’s Trust and Honor"; 2. website ably run by "truth4usm."

Fleming, Horace < 1. USM President preceding the second Aubrey Lucas administration; 2. offered a one-year contract renewal by the IHL Board, but chose to resign his post instead.

flog and blog < 1. flog: to beat severly with a whip or rod (also flogging). blog: weblog (or web log); a journal that is on the web (Internet), and updated with some regularity (a practice called blogging). 2. Since Spring of 2002, USM President Shelby Thames has been flogging away at USM’s reputation (see world class institution) through ill-advised actions (see agent provacateur) against its faculty, staff (the holocaust here is an untold, heartbreaking account, which will someday be known to all), students (see my most prized possession) and, ultimately, its alumni and financial supporters. On that day in March of 2004 when two professors (see Glamser and Stringer) were summarily fired on solid grounds evidence, these constituencies began blogging back. Today, there are two well-known anti-Thames blogs: geocities.com/fireshelby and firethames.com. The former has had 53,132 visitors since its inception (as of 4/10/04), while the latter has had 4,365 (unique) visitors since inception (as of 4/10/04). Add to these two, several blogs (e.g., Liberty & Power Group blog, blog.lordsutch.com, scott.littlemeanfish.com/blog, coldfury.com/Sasha, joehilldispatch.org, dast.freeshell.org/blog, and others) from around the globe that have joined the fray and are keeping their "eyes" (or blogs) on events in Hattiesburg. The world is watching and taking notice (see Bill Gunther, image problem, and Danny Mitchell and for discussion of "brand" and "image" aspects of the current crisis).

40-0 < official result of USM Faculty Senate’s "no confidence in Shelby Thames" vote on the night of 3/7/04 (results reported as "no confidence"-"confidence").

Founder’s Day Celebration < 1. USM’s annual birthday party; 2. an important event for USM alumni and supporters; 3. President Shelby Thames was vacationing in Texas instead of celebrating Founder’s Day in 2004.

430-32 < official result of USM faculty-wide "no confidence in Shelby Thames" vote on the night of 3/10/04 (results reported as "no confidence"-"confidence").

Friends List < 1. list of Hattiesburg area business that have supported USM faculty in the current crisis; 2. list is circulating around campus community.

Garrett, Ricki < 1. member of the IHL Board; 2. Seemed to hold sway over the original decision to hire Thames as USM’s president. After the original IHL Board vote on Thames reportedly resulted in a deadlock — rumored to be a result of concerns Garrett and others had about Thames’ past indiscretions at work — Ricki Garrett is said to have called a meeting with Thames and the other IHL Board members, wherein she asked the famous question of him: "Are you a bootyologist?" When Thames replied, "Negatory..," she and a few other members fell in line supporting Thames’ candidacy. The rest is, as we know, history. 3. given the aforementioned story about Garrett, it’s clear she should never make any more big life decisions without consulting the advice of a much more sophisticated person (see Virginia Shanteau-Newton); 4. should hire fellow IHL Board member Virginia Shanteau-Newton as her "life coach" asap.

geocities.com/fireshelby < 1. website devoted to restoring academic integrity and excellence to the hallowed halls of the University of Southern Mississippi; 2. website ably run by Fire Shelby.

Glamser, Frank < 1. Professor of Anthropology and Sociology at USM, fired without due process; 2. product of a national job search decades ago; 3. fine scholar and individual; 4. has(d) tenure, but not Thames job insurance; 5. USM faculty and Faculty Senate both overwhemingly voted that they would rather have Frank Glamser as a colleague than Shelby Thames (statement attributed to Noel Polk).

Glamser-Stringer Legal Defense Fund < 1. fund set up by supporters of Frank Glamser and Gary Stringer to provide legal support for these two embattled professors; 2. generous show of support for the fund was made by Dr. and Mrs. Geoffrey Hartwig shortly after the professors were fired.

GodwinGroup < 1. public relations firm working for USM; 2. rumor has it that GodwinGroup is one of a few firms to be awarded contract work from USM without having to go through a competitive bid process (see Phil Bryant).

Grimes, Jay < 1. former Provost of the Hattiesburg campus of USM; 2. became Provost at the Gulf Coast branch after successful cross-training Provosts program with Hattiesburg Provost Tim Hudson; 3. told numerous stories to the USM faculty about how the FAR was to be used by upper administrators.

Gulf Coast Community College < 1. one of four community/junior colleges where Angeline Dvorak got the requisite experience/training to hold a VP-position at a national university; 2. located in Panama City, FL, along the coastline of the "Redneck Riviera."

Gulfport V.A. Hospital < 1. Veteran’s Administration hospital in Gulfport suffering financial woes; 2. hospital that Thames impetuously sought to acquire for USM, before being rebuffed by the IHL Board.

Gunther, William < 1. Professor of Economics at USM and former Dean of USM’s College of Business Adminstration; 2. one of the 9 USM deans terminated by Shelby Thames in the university restructuring plan (Gunther effectively got a raise out of the deal); 3. catalyst behind dome press conference in final days of his administration to announce pledge of over $5 million in gifts to fund new College of Business building. Arguably last positive thing to occur in the dome, and the whole event was likely very difficult for Thames to swallow, given that he had fired an individual (Gunther) who was favored very heavily by USM’s wealthiest business alums. Not likely, at this point, that these funds will ever materialize; 4. in recent days, Gunther, who has studied USM’s "brand," has pointed out that the value of USM’s brand has certainly been "diminished" by Thames’ presidency, and "repairing the school’s image will begin when Thames steps down as president" (see The Hattiesburg American 4/9/04).

Halstead, J. Phillip < 1. newly-hired figure head of the ADP, which is evidently now being run by Shelby Thames; 2. old friend of Shelby Thames; 3. polymers specialist, wants the ADP to work closely with USM, but only with its Polymer Science Department, to grow Hattiesburg.

Hamer, Fannie Lou < 1. famed Mississippi civil rights leader; 2. made famous the phrase, "I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired"; 3. phrase getting renewed popularity in current crisis through speech by USM history professor Doug Chambers at first anti-Thames rally.

Hamm, Blake < 1. first Hub SGA President to serve during the Thames administration; 2. got cozy enough with the Thames-Mader team in the dome to miraculously win the commencement speaker lottery his senior year; 3. questions swirled (at the time) as to whether or not he was even graduating with those he was speaking to, or later in the Summer semester.

Hanbury, John I. < 1. currently the Director of Resources and Risk Management at USM; 2. product of a Thames job search; 3. formerly the director of 3 Kentucky companies listed in "bad standing" by the State of Kentucky in the mid/late 1990s; 4. failed lawyer, or else he would be practicing real law at a real, private sector law firm; 5. brought to USM by president Shelby Thames to carve legal bases for firing tenured USM faculty members; 6. author of the working draft of the faculty handbook; 7. Soon-to-be author of the newly drafted SGA Constitution under the auspices of SGA president Walt Cain; 8. "aka" Jack Hanbury.

Hardy Street High < 1. reference to USM affectionately used by Ole Miss and State supporters; 2. insult of USM hurled by Ole Miss/State supporters that Shelby Thames has actually managed to lend credence to.

Harris, Anthony < 1. former Assistant to the President of USM; 2. fired by Thames at the end of November in 2002; 3. was teaching a graduate course at the time, and asked Shelby Thames if he could complete the course, and was told no, leaving the students out in the cold (thus, Glamser and Stringer weren’t Glamsered or Stringered, they were Harrised).

Hartwig, Dr. and Mrs. Geoffrey < 1. Hattiesburg neurologist and wife who pulled significant amount of financial support from USM, and put it toward the Glamser-Stringer legal defense fund; 2. the Hartwig’s act of support came at one of the lowest points in the history of USM as an institution, and those who love USM will be forever grateful to them for it; 3. as Dr. Hartwig said, Shelby may have been a great faculty member/scientist, but this whole affair has moved way beyond paint and plastics.

The Hattiesburg American < 1. local newspaper; 2. offers schizophrenic editorials, one day supporting Thames and the next day admonishing his actions.

Henry, Myron < 1. current president of USM’s Faculty Senate; 2. publicly maligned and attacked in the media by the Thames-Mader press team for standing up to the dictator; 3. the Thames-Mader machine disingenuously supplied the media with Henry’s salary to make it seem as if "they pay" USM’s Faculty Senate President more than his Ole Miss/State counterpart is "paid" by their respective presidents.; 4. USM Provost under Horace Fleming.

Hewes, Billy < 1. Ward 7 Councilman of Gulfport City Council; 2. real estate agent in Gulfport; 3. big supporter of Golden Eagle athletics; 4. big supporter of Shelby Thames; 5. Pushed through a resolution in the Gulfport City Council in support of Thames in April of ‘04; 6. espouses some very intolerant social views (do your own Google search); 7. advocate of branding the foreheads of certain members of society; 8. sits on the "day’s work for a day’s pay" side of the current crises at USM; 9. advocate/proponent of Thames authority (actually gave meaning to the governance phrase when he said, "We [USM] need people [faculty] who are going to have some respect for [Thames’] authority." {HA 4/9/04}).

Hollandsworth, Jim < 1. served USM quite well for many years in various upper level administrative capacities; 2. barred from teaching history at USM on solid grounds; 3. published 2-3 interesting history books, and was easily capable to contribute to that department (see Ken Malone for hypocrisy); 4. quietly departed USM recently.

Holmes, Paul "Bud" < 1. pro-Thames citizen of Petal, MS; 2. coined the meaning behind the phrase turtle President; 3. had very problematic professional legal career; 4. As U.S. Senator Herb Kohl of Wisconsin stated from the floor of the U.S. Senate during the Impeachment Trial of Judge Walter Nixon in 1989: "It’s very easy to understand why ["Bud"] Holmes did not bring up the discussions . . . He’d done some very bad things . . . to make Judge Nixon look good to Wiley Fairchild . . ."; 5. supports Thames authority.

Hood, Jim < 1. newly-elected Attorney General of MS who intervened in a non-neutral way to assist Shelby Thames in the upcoming Glamser-Stringer hearings; 2. did so by appointing Jackson lawyer Jim Keith to "ensure fairness," 3. fraudulent effort uncovered by geocities.com/fireshelby and Riva Brown.

Howell, Krandall < 1. pro-Thames car salesman in McComb, MS; 2. big supporter (along with his wife) of Thames authority.

Hub SGA < 1. name given to the USM student government association; 2. association of USM students elected by a majority of the USM student body to represent the concerns and issues of the Thames administration.

Hudson, Tim < 1. USM geographer and founding father of economic development program; 2. currently serves as Provost of the Hattiesburg campus, after successful cross-training Provosts program with USMGC Provost Jay Grimes; 3. vehemently disagrees with Thames’ decision to fire Glamser and Stringer without due process, though not enough to resign his post; 4. reportedly a finalist for the presidency of the University of Texas — Pan American; 5. reportedly still resides in the USMGC Provost’s home, after injecting it with about $100,000 worth of renovations last year; 5. on the day of the Glamser-Stringer firings, he was vacationing in Texas; 6. see also Shelby in the Schoolhouse Door.

Huff, Amber < 1. courageous student activist; 2. USM student fighting to restore integrity to institution.

human error < what a Shelby Thames calls a "mistake" made by a mid-level administrator who is asked by upper administration to do something bad, though he does so only after the public finds out about it and the whole scheme falls apart.

I always finish what I start < Angeline Dvorak’s response to the media when questioned if she still plans to sue those who questioned her credentials/resume.

I Support Glamser and Stringer < 1. tags worn by USM faculty and students on a daily basis now; 2. becoming ubiquitous symbols of what USM has become under Thames.

IHL Board < 1. governing body of Institutions of Higher Learning in Mississippi; 2. seems to know little about "higher education," and even less about governing these days; 3. slim majority seems to pro-Thames all the way.

image problem < how Lisa Mader characterizes the nuclear wasteland USM is quickly becoming.

Impeach Thames < 1. popular sign/sticker slogan visible around USM and at anti-Thames rallies; 2. slogan on bumper stickers that made their first appearance shortly after Thames’ installment as USM President.

The Independent < 1. new weekly newspaper in Lamar County; 2. now the largest weekly newspaper in the state of Mississippi; 3. usually takes a harder line approach to the Thames administration than the Hattiesburg American, but doesn’t yet seem to have the resources necessary to do a Watergate-style series and finish the job; 4. if given the Hattiesburg American’s resources, it might be a real force in this whole mess.

IRGU4U < license plate on Jack Hanbury’s BMW.

iTech < 1. information/technology department of USM; 2. USM department charged with monitoring employee phone and Internet usage (by any means necessary).

Jackson State Community College < one of four community/junior colleges where Angeline Dvorak got the requisite experience/training to hold a VP-position at a national university; 2. located in Jackson, TN.

Java Werks < 1. gourmet coffee house across Hardy Street from USM; 2. coffee house that often serves as staging ground (for CSUSM) before anti-Thames rallies that take place on USM’s campus; 3. has good credentials for the Friends List.

Jones, Annette < 1. retired faculty member, Towson State University, now residing in Laurel; 2. brought in to cover Frank Glamser’s uncovered (after several class meetings) sociology course; 3. has the full support of Arts and Letters Dean Elliott Pood.

Keith, Jim < 1. Jackson lawyer appointed by newly-elected Attorney General Jim Hood to "ensure fairness," in the upcoming Glamser-Stringer hearings; 2. fraudulent effort to effect "fairness" uncovered by geocities.com/fireshelby and Riva Brown.

Kinney, Terry < 1. professor of human performance and recreation at USM; 2. given terminal contract in late October of 2003; 3. is suing Shelby Thames and other USM administrators in U.S. District Court for violating a prior agreement to award him tenure (seeking $2 million in damages).

Klumb, Roy < 1. Fordice appointee to the Mississippi IHL Board; 2. unconditionally supports the Thames administration in all its endeavors; 3. wouldn’t understand "conflict of interest" if it bit his bum; 4. famous for smirking at CSUSM at open IHL Board Members (Roy, please excuse us if our cynicism is showing); 5. Huge proponent of Thames authority.

Konz, Antoinette < 1. reporter for The Hattiesburg American; 2. probes a little bit deeper into USM crisis stories than her cohort Janet Braswell.

LAB Lobby table < 1. table set up in the Lobby of USM’s Liberal Arts Building, run by the CSUSM; 2. distributes anti-Thames items, many of which are free-of-charge (thanks to some generous donors); 3. proceeds from the items that are for sale (e.g., t-shirts with quotes by either Noel Polk or Neil McMillen) go to the Glamser-Stringer Legal Defense Fund; 4. Free-of-charge items include mock "USM For Sale" signs and Impeach Thames bumper stickers.

Lassen, Gregg < 1. currently the Vice President for Financial Affairs at USM; 2. formerly Dean of Graduate Business Studies at the University of Phoenix (online university); 3. "retired" lobbyist at the age of 40; 4. failed politician in Texas and Utah; 5. a PhD student in USM’s own world-renown program in Economic Development; 6. product of a Thames job search.

Lee, J. Charles < 1. President of Mississippi State University, Mississippi’s largest 4-year institution of higher learning (title held by MSU for 16 years prior, except for a couple of months in the Fall of 2003); 2. his IHL "colleague" and "friend" Shelby Thames stole his title of state’s largest university (see phantom students), though only for a fleeting moment in the Fall of 2003; Thames’ (see also Susan Siltanen) human error had revenue implications (potentially) for both schools (negative for MSU, and positive for USM) through "branding" or "marketing," not to mention IHL funding; 3. Memo to President Lee: watch your own back from now on; you might not get saved by The Student Printz next time, they’re already overworked covering the many facets of this image problem over at USM without having to take care of you too.

Loftus, Jared < 1. former Hub SGA President; 2. Hub SGA president during the Thames administration and the subsequent crises that this administration became embroiled in (e.g., the Glamser-Stringer firings, etc., etc., etc.); 3. spent last weeks of term in office handling the ecoutrements for the Rahzel/Train concert in Reed Green Coliseum.

Lott, Trent < 1. U.S. Senator from Mississippi; 2. persistently mocks the Thames administration (in the media) for not getting the Economic Development Center off the ground; 3. word on the street is that the Center is about to be moved to Oxford.

LSU social science grad student < authored statistical report claiming that Thames’ scandals could cost USM over $25 million in tuition revenues/state subsidies over the next four years.

Lucas, Aubrey < 1. USM President preceding the Horace Flemming administration; 2. institutionalized the USM Faculty Senate, and let it "find its own level" (Neil McMillen); 3. will soon likely be, for the third time, USM President, and will use the occasion to even more solidify his important place in USM history.

lunch at McDonald’s < where USM sociology professor Frank Glamser ate lunch on December 11, 2003 — probably the last bread he ever broke in a state of peace (he returned from lunch to his office on campus to find, under his door, the anonymous envelope containing original, unmarked documents belonging in the Dvorak Variorum); 2. just weeks after this lunch, Glamser and his colleague Gary Stringer were summarily "Harrised" (see Anthony Harris).