T

Taylor, Gene < 1. U.S. Representative from Mississippi; 2. goaded Thames into announcing that USM would take over operation of the Gulfport V.A. Hospital, even though Thames did not have IHL Board permission to accept such a responsibility.

tenure < 1. special employment status granted to those in the academy, in an effort to secure academic freedom for the professorate; 2. apparently, it is a somewhat inferior protection to Thames job insurance.

tenured Associate Professor of English at the University of Kentucky, Lexington, KY < professional title describing an individual who has produced a very good scholarly record in English (i.e., journal articles/monographs/books, etc.) over about a five to six year (or more) period at the University of Kentucky in Lexington, all the while teaching the requisite course load within the Department of English at the University of Kentucky in Lexington; 2. professional title describing an individual very familiar with campus life at the University of Kentucky in Lexington; 3. an individual who, in addition to scholarly and teaching endeavors done under the auspices of the University of Kentucky in Lexington, has performed various committee service tasks for the University of Kentucky in Lexington, and has been involved in community service events in the city of Lexington, KY; 4. person whom the other faculty members in the Department of English at the University of Kentucky in Lexington have heard of and seen before.

third side < 1. fictitious, nonexistent side of a(n) argument or controversy, where spineless political leaders run and hide when the heat turns up; 2. political term coined by newly-elected Hub SGA president Walt Cain.

Thames authority < 1. governing authority believed to have been given to Shelby Thames by the IHL Board when Thames was coronated as USM’s President (in the Spring of 2002). 2. IHL authority held by Thames, giving him the right to flog, without regard to faculty/staff handbooks, tenure, academic freedom, other rules, or simple decorum; 3. authority given to Thames espoused by many in the private sector (see Billy Hewes and Krandall Howell), as well as some on the IHL Board (see Roy Klumb and Carl Nicholson); 4. see also flog and blog.

Thames, Dana < 1. Chair of CISE at USM; 2. harbors professional jealousy, runs off competent faculty members; 3. being sued by Melissa Whiting for nepotism; 4. actual biological product (daughter) of Shelby Thames, which is more secure from employment perspective than being a product of a Thames job search; 5. got huge raise (15%) from her dad last year.

Thames job insurance < 1. employment protection provided by USM president Shelby Thames for upper-level administrators at the school; 2. job protection for administrators at USM ,superior to tenure, and unavailable to USM faculty; 3. phrase coined by Abbenyi Abbenyi in an editorial cartoon.

Thames job search < 1. the type of job search to fill an upper-level (or other) administrative appointment without placing advertisements in the proper venue, seeking candidates across a national spectrum, or following EEOC regulations; 2. job search popularized by USM president Shelby Thames, where family, friends and cronies are hired to important management positions without doing a national job search.

Thames Regime playing cards < 1. brilliant satire of the Thames administration, and its scandals, by The Student Printz; 2. The Student Printz’s satirical look at the Thames Regime through cartoons depicting Thames administration officials’ faces on a deck of playing cards, much like the Iraqi criminals were depicted by U.S./coalition forces in the "hunt" for them that ensued after formal fighting in Iraq dissipated (2003); cartoon captioned with the question (paraphrase): Have you seen these Thames Regime officials?

Thames, Shelby < 1. the current and embattled President of the University of Southern Mississippi who fired two professors without due process and committed countless other egregious acts; 2. "bucket and paddle" scientist; 3. Dome Gnome (his personal favorite); 4. Saddam. 5. Pocket Mussolini; 6. see Napoleon complex; 7. bootyologist; 8. calls Billy Hewes a credit to his community and a great citizen, and was pleased to offer Hewes an invitation to address the USMGC class of ‘04.

Thames Underworld < name given to the set of questionable (shady) characters USM’s president sometimes associates with.

truth4usm < moderator of the website firethames.com.

Thomas Cooley Law School < 1. East Lansing institution where Angeline Dvorak received her JD, and also went to pump up her resume.

Towering Inferno < the large conflagration that nearly occurred last year at a fraternity house at USM when a disgruntled USM student doused the place with gasoline and attempted to light it while all the brothers were asleep (happened in the middle of the night). The chapter’s president claimed that none of the house’s emergency exits was functional — a claim Lisa Mader disputed. Mader produced Physical Plant documentation showing that work on the exits had been done on the afternoon that the near mass-killing occurred. The problem is that same documentation showed that the work had been done in the afternoon, while the attack — what would’ve been the largest disaster to ever befall the USM campus — took place in the A.M. The Hattiesburg American published the timing of both events (i.e., the attack and the repairs), but the trouble is no one noticed the discrepancy. The chapter’s president maintains that Lisa Mader’s accounting of the events of that day are inaccurate (i.e., a lie).

TPD < 1. Thames Police Detachment; 2. small detail of USM police officers that escorts Shelby Thames to high-level administrative meetings and other campus wide activities.

Tuesdays against Thames < 1. what Tuesdays with Thames has morphed into; 2. proof that Thames Peter Principled the Peter Principle.

Tuesdays with Thames < Tuesday meetings between Thames and students at the Hub that became necessary after the Peter Principle became clear (regarding Thames’ ability to lead USM).

turtle President < 1. a university president who’s not afraid to stick his neck out and with whom the institution can get on down the road (Bud Holmes quote); 2. the problem is, that road can lead to disaster.

25% & 0% < representation of African-Americans in the USM student body and in upper levels of the Thames administration, respectively.

2 Trolleys < 1. the two trolleys USM "acquired" from the City of Hattiesburg, used to transport USM faculty/staff/students to restaurants in downtown Hattiesburg, all under to guise of economic development; 2. brainstorm of brainchild Ken Malone, and apparently a complete bust; 3. known as the Downtown Lunch Express.

UAC < University Advisory Committee set to hear the Glamser-Stringer hearings in late April, 2004.

university restructuring < 1. plan implemented by Shelby Thames to cut the number of USM colleges from 9 to 5 (leaving the College of Science and Technology intact); 2. plan was claimed to have saved $1.8 million, but administration officials put the decimal in the wrong place (human error) — actual savings were one dollar and eighty cents.

USM’s enrollment < 1. a useless, totally specious statistic from now and into the near term; 2. like a cheating spouse, when you get lied to about the institution’s enrollment figures (one of its most important numbers), you can’t trust it anymore.

USMGC < Gulf Coast branch of the University of Southern Mississippi (Long Beach, MS).

USM millionaires < 1. reference to Shelby Thames’ plan to make millionaires out of all USM faculty and staff, presumably through grants and contracts; 2. Thames says his fear is that his plan will be so successful that all USM faculty and staff will retire at one time and nobody will be around to run the university (faculty/staff are leaving in droves, but don’t think it’s because they’re millionaires); 3. he reiterates this goal at each "new-faculty orientation".

vacationing in Texas < political codename for president Thames’ absence (or other administrator’s absence) when things get too hot for him to handle, used to disguise the fact that he is hiding from political troubles of his own making.

Van Hook Golf Course < 1. USM golf course killed by Angeline Dvorak and Gregg Lassen to make way for an innovation park; 2. Van family found out in the newspaper like everyone else.

variorum < an edition of the works of an author, with notes by various scholars or editors.

The Varsity Voice < 1. new student newspaper to be introduced in the ‘04-‘05 academic year at USM by newly-elected Hub SGA president Walt Cain; 2. new student newspaper to serve as the mouthpiece of the administration, with editorials written by Lisa Mader, "news" coverage provided by Mader’s staff, with the financial backing of pro-Thames people in the private sector (see Thames Underworld).

Walters, Kevin < 1. reporter for The Hattiesburg American; 2. probes a little bit deeper into USM crisis stories than his cohort Janet Braswell.

Ward, Robbie < 1. former editor of The Student Printz; 2. got the ball rolling on many of the Thames administration scandals as editor; 3. hounded incessantly by the Thames Regime.

WDAM-TV < 1. local NBC affiliate, serving Hattiesburg-Laurel; 2. broken several stories during the Thames administration.

Weathers, Jon Mark < 1. Hattiesburg-area District Attorney; 2. questioned Shelby Thames’ assertion that Frank Glamser and Gary Stringer may have committed criminal acts given that Thames had not contacted his office with the information; 3. stated that he saw no reason why the D.A.’s office couldn’t conduct a criminal investigation, if warranted, alongside an ongoing personnel action between USM and the IHL Board (never heard from Shelby Thames).

Webroot Spysweeper 2.0 < 1. software that protects a computer from common forms of spyware programs, including Trojans, system monitors, keyloggers and adware. Automatically updates spyware definitions to provide immediate protection from the latest threats (see iTech); 2. only $29.99 at bestbuy.com (online electronics store).

well-oiled machine < 1. a Porsche 911; 2. the 1976 Miami Dolphins; 3. Southwest Airlines 4. a state university with a risk manager at the helm.

Whiting, Melissa < 1. former CISE faculty member and product of a national job search; 2. is suing the Thameses for falsely reporting her academic accomplishments while at USM and for violating State nepotism laws; 3. has retained famed attorney Kim Chaze and may soon get very wealthy off of the State of Mississippi.

Wiest, Andy < 1. professor of history at USM; 2. describes himself as conciliatory vis-a-vis the Thames administration early on, in fact, once convincing the Faculty Senate to table an early "no confidence" vote; 3. has since criticized the Thames administration, noting that the possibilities for USM experiences like those he has had over his lifetime are slipping away from future generations of students, maybe even for his own two children; 4. spoke out in favor of a "no confidence" vote at the March 2004 faculty convocation.

Willis, Russ < 1. former Director of Human Resources at USM; 2. currently listed as Associate Director of Human Resources at USM; 3. all that stands between Mark Dvorak and institutional Chernobyl.

WLOX-TV < 1. ABC affiliate for Biloxi-Gulfport; 2. has broken several stories during the Thames administration.

world class university < 1. according to the Thames administration, one that maligns and wages war on its own faculty (Neil McMillen quote paraphrased); 2. fills important posts via Thames job searches.

WUSM < 1. USM radio network; 2. covers the Thames administration’s dome press conferences.