T

Taylor, Clint < 1. Managing Partner, Purple Parrot Company, Inc. of Hattiesburg; 2. Crescent City Grill manager who wrote a pro-Thames letter to The Hattiesburg American on 3/10/2004 expressing the view that there was no hard evidence indicating that morale on USM’s campus was low (see campus morale) and that USM faculty were a bit too emotional; 3. business at the Crescent City Grill, Purple Parrot, and Mahogany Bar is reportedly down, but it can’t be blamed on a faculty boycott unless Clint Taylor presents hard evidence of such from a boycott sensor/boycott sensing device; 4. doesn’t seem to understand that his establishments got screwed by Shelby Thames’ and Ken Malone’s Downtown Lunch Express (see 2 Trolleys) plan that had the 2 USM trolleys exit campus and head east on Hardy Street to the many fine downtown restaurants (i.e., in the opposite direction of Taylor’s eateries).

Taylor, Gene < 1. U.S. Representative from Mississippi; 2. goaded Thames into announcing that USM would take over operation of the Gulfport V.A. Hospital, even though Thames did not have IHL Board permission to accept such a responsibility.

$10,000 donation to USM < word-on-the-street amount necessary for retired USM professors to be awarded emeritus status from the appropriate authority within the Thames administration.

tenure < 1. special employment status granted to those in the academy, in an effort to secure academic freedom for the professorate; 2. apparently, it is a somewhat inferior protection to Thames job insurance.

tenured Associate Professor of English at the University of Kentucky, Lexington, KY < professional title describing an individual who has produced a very good scholarly record in English (i.e., journal articles/monographs/books, etc.) over about a five to six year (or more) period at the University of Kentucky in Lexington, all the while teaching the requisite course load within the Department of English at the University of Kentucky in Lexington; 2. professional title describing an individual very familiar with campus life at the University of Kentucky in Lexington; 3. an individual who, in addition to scholarly and teaching endeavors done under the auspices of the University of Kentucky in Lexington, has performed various committee service tasks for the University of Kentucky in Lexington, and has been involved in community service events in the city of Lexington, KY; 4. person whom the other faculty members in the Department of English at the University of Kentucky in Lexington have heard of and seen before.

Thames authority < 1. governing authority believed to have been given to Shelby Thames by the IHL Board when Thames was coronated as USM’s President (in the Spring of 2002). 2. IHL authority held by Thames, giving him the right to flog, without regard to faculty/staff handbooks, tenure, academic freedom, other rules, or simple decorum; 3. authority given to Thames espoused by many in the private sector (see Billy Hewes and Krandall Howell), as well as some on the IHL Board (see Roy Klumb and Carl Nicholson); 4. see also flog and blog.

Thames, Dana < 1. Chair of CISE at USM; 2. harbors professional jealousy, runs off competent faculty members; 3. being sued by Melissa Whiting for nepotism; 4. actual biological product (daughter) of Shelby Thames, which is more secure from employment perspective than being a product of a Thames job search; 5. got huge raise (15%) from her dad last year.

Thames job insurance < 1. employment protection provided by USM president Shelby Thames for upper-level administrators at the school; 2. job protection for administrators at USM ,superior to tenure, and unavailable to USM faculty; 3. phrase coined by Abbenyi Abbenyi in an editorial cartoon.

Thames job search < 1. the type of job search to fill an upper-level (or other) administrative appointment without placing advertisements in the proper venue, seeking candidates across a national spectrum, or following EEOC regulations; 2. job search popularized by USM president Shelby Thames, where family, friends and cronies are hired to important management positions without doing a national job search.

Thames plantation < Robbie Ward’s reference to USM President Shelby Thames’ 19th Century-style (mis)management of USM.

Thames Regime playing cards < 1. brilliant satire of the Thames administration, and its scandals, by The Student Printz; 2. The Student Printz’s satirical look at the Thames Regime through cartoons depicting Thames administration officials’ faces on a deck of playing cards, much like the Iraqi criminals were depicted by U.S./coalition forces in the "hunt" for them that ensued after formal fighting in Iraq dissipated (2003); cartoon captioned with the question (paraphrase): Have you seen these Thames Regime officials?

Thames, Shelby < 1. the current and embattled President of the University of Southern Mississippi who fired two professors without due process and committed countless other egregious acts; 2. "bucket and paddle" scientist; 3. Dome Gnome (his personal favorite); 4. Saddam. 5. Pocket Mussolini; 6. see Napoleon complex; 7. bootyologist; 8. calls Billy Hewes a credit to his community and a great citizen, and was pleased to offer Hewes an invitation to address the USMGC class of ‘04; 9. peckerhead (see Dennis Pauley); 10. Wafflenose (message board thread).

Thames toast < 1. what USM’s president became after he charged distinguished professors with "malicious" acts, attempted to discharge them, using only unethically captured private emails as evidence; 2. result of appearing before a retired Mississippi Supreme Court Justice with no evidence. 3. rumored to be a favorite food of gnomes. [guest Glossary entry by outside observer]

Thames Trickeration < 1. Thames administration strategy of making big announcements/plans, that it has no intention and/or ability to follow-through upon, to divert attention away from how bad things really are around campus. 2. examples of the strategy include announcements/plans related to expanding M.M. Roberts Stadium, building an over (or under) pass at the Elam Arms intersection of Hardy Street for students to cross safely, renovating the Albertson’s Building for the Nursing School, renovating/adding box seating to Reed Green Coliseum, renovating old Hattiesburg High School and moving the Department of Art downtown, building a tennis complex for USM’s varsity tennis teams, assuming control of the Gulfport V.A. Hospital and integrating it into the College of Health, building a U.S. Olympic training facility, getting USM’s enrollment to 20,000 within his first 4/5 years as president, building an innovation/research park on top of the old Van Hook Golf Course, and taking Southern Miss to the top!

The Thames 12 < 1. Gained any weight in the past several weeks (months)? If so, it could be due to chronic stress, caused by Thames administration crises. "Chronic stress causes elevated cortisol levels and alters your metabolism so that fats are produced and stored in the body more easily, especially in the abdominal area" (Bruce McEwen, PhD). And this is true even if you don’t eat more than usual (which you probably are doing). To avoid (or shed) The Thames 12, remember to eat a balanced diet, get plenty of exercise, drink lots of fluids, and try to get a good amount of sleep at night; 2. weight-gain concept similar to "the freshman 15".

Thames Underworld < name given to the set of questionable (shady) characters USM’s president sometimes associates with.

Thames’ un-named donors (of $3.5 million to finish Trent Lott Building campaign) < Mississippi taxpayers.

Thamesectomy < 1. life-saving surgical procedure USM needs, and stat. As part of the procedure, the admin "margins" will be examined and possibly removed if they too are determined to be infected, as they are thought to be from a cursory examination; 2. still waiting on the IHL yahoos to sign the "consent forms" and perform the much-needed procedure (the IHL Board is acting too much like an academic HMO).

Thank you, Dr. Thames < 1. short statement reportedly made by Lisa Mader to Shelby Thames, immediately following the conclusion of the dome press conference, that was accidentally captured by a live microphone in use by WUSM (for broadcasting the conference). Statement was reportedly uttered by Mader in a sweet, sexy, sultry, seductive, steamy, sensual, scrumptious, scintillating and satiny (all the "s" words) way; 2. Try this tip: next time your in a hot and steamy situation with your significant other, use the phrase yourself at just the right moment to heighten the pleasure. Oh, and be sure to use the "Dr. Thames" part and not your partner’s name, it works even better. You’ll just have to explain everything to your mate after you’re done.

third side < 1. fictitious, nonexistent side of a(n) argument or controversy, where spineless political leaders run and hide when the heat turns up; 2. political term coined by newly-elected Hub SGA president Walt Cain.

$38,600 < legal expenses incurred by Frank Glamser and Gary Stringer defending themselves against Thames authority and solid grounds.

30 seconds < approximately the amount of time Shelby Thames abided by the Glamser-Stringer settlement term stating neither party would disparage the other.

39-1-1 < vote of USM’s Faculty Senate (yes-no-abstain) on 5/7/04 asking the IHL Board to request the resignation of Shelby Thames.

Thomas Cooley Law School < 1. East Lansing institution where Angeline Dvorak received her JD, and also went to pump up her resume.

3701 Jamestown Road < 1. USM Presidential mansion; 2. since May of 2002, also known as the Berghof.

Towering Inferno < the large conflagration that nearly occurred last year at a fraternity house at USM when a disgruntled USM student doused the place with gasoline and attempted to light it while all the brothers were asleep (happened in the middle of the night). The chapter’s president claimed that none of the house’s emergency exits was functional — a claim Lisa Mader disputed. Mader produced Physical Plant documentation showing that work on the exits had been done on the afternoon that the near mass-killing occurred. The problem is that same documentation showed that the work had been done in the afternoon, while the attack — what would’ve been the largest disaster to ever befall the USM campus — took place in the A.M. The Hattiesburg American published the timing of both events (i.e., the attack and the repairs), but the trouble is no one noticed the discrepancy. The chapter’s president maintains that Lisa Mader’s accounting of the events of that day are inaccurate (i.e., a lie).

TPD < 1. Thames Police Detachment; 2. small detail of USM police officers that escorts Shelby Thames to high-level administrative meetings and other campus wide activities.

Trent Lott Center for Excellence in ED & E < 1. new facility for USM’s Economic Development department; 2. $12 million house for Internet-based programs; 3. see Haley Barbour; 4. see Trent Lott.

Trenton Thunder < AA club in the New York Yankees organization that Angeline Dvorak actually pitched for from 1997-2000 (from Rob McDuff’s baseball analogy in his Glamser-Stringer hearings opening statement); 2. Ashland Community College.

truth4usm < 1. moderator of the website firethames.com; 2. winner of webster’s Glossary contest (see job snowball).

Tuesdays against Thames < 1. what Tuesdays with Thames has morphed into; 2. proof that Thames Peter Principled the Peter Principle.

Tuesdays with Thames < Tuesday meetings between Thames and students at the Hub that became necessary after the Peter Principle became clear (regarding Thames’ ability to lead USM).

Tuesdays with Thames II < 1. what Tuesdays against Thames has morphed into; 2. like the original Tuesdays with Thames, though now the only attendees are a handful of economic development students (who are forced to attend by Ken Malone, Angeline Dvorak and Tim Hudson; see HA, 2/14/04), Janet Braswell and Abbenyi Abbenyi (who goes only to get new cartoon ideas).

turtle President < 1. a university president who’s not afraid to stick his neck out and with whom the institution can get on down the road (Bud Holmes quote); 2. the problem is, that road can lead to disaster.

25% & 0% < representation of African-Americans in the USM student body and in upper levels of the Thames administration, respectively.

2 Trolleys < 1. the two trolleys USM "acquired" from the City of Hattiesburg, used to transport USM faculty/staff/students to restaurants in downtown Hattiesburg, all under to guise of economic development; 2. brainstorm of Ken Malone, and apparently a complete bust; 3. known as the Downtown Lunch Express.

UAC < University Advisory Committee set to hear the Glamser-Stringer hearings in late April, 2004.

Union Room B < 1. site of the Glamser-Stringer appeal hearing on April 28-29, 2004, with seating for about 35 members of the general public; 2. located just west of 33,000-seat M.M. Roberts Stadium, east of 8,000-seat Reed Green Coliseum, due north of 1,800-seat Bennett Auditorium, and just south of whatever large auditorium sits in the Chain Technology Building (so much for Shelby Thames’ open hearing).

university attorney < 1. legal counsel for a college/university that, in Mississippi, works within the hierarchy of the Attorney General’s office; 2. job held seemingly forever by the competent Lee Gore; 3. job given to USM’s Risk Manager Jack Hanbury in conjunction with the Glamser-Stringer settlement by MS Attorney General Jim Hood for Hanbury’s fine e-mail surveillance work.

University of Kentucky < 1. State University of the Commonwealth of Kentucky, located in Lexington and founded in 1865; 2. large, public university where Angeline Dvorak tells everyone she once worked, even though she admits that she’s never even been there (see Dvorak’s incredulity). Go figure.

university restructuring < 1. plan implemented by Shelby Thames to cut the number of USM colleges from 9 to 5 (leaving the College of Science and Technology intact); 2. plan was claimed to have saved $1.8 million, but administration officials put the decimal in the wrong place (human error) — actual savings were one dollar and eighty cents.

USM Cabinet < executive team at USM that includes the Provosts, Vice Presidents, Chief Information Officer, Director of Public Relations, Athletics Director, President of the Faculty Senate, President of the Staff Council, President of the Hub SGA, and all Deans and Directors (i.e., all of the agents provacateurs, plus the President of the Faculty Senate, President of the Staff Council, President of the Hub SGA, and all Deans and Directors).

USM Camelot < 1. what all USM faculty, staff, students, alumni and supporters had, but blew it; 2. USM under the idealistic leadership of Shelby Thames, and his New Frontier administrators, Tim Hudson, Angie Dvorak, Cynthia Moore, Gregg Lassen, Ken Malone, Jack Hanbury, Mark Dvorak and others; 3. supported from the outside by Thames Underworld figures like Paul "Bud" Holmes, Billy Hewes, R. Scott Farris and others, the Thames administration brought a great many aspirations and a spirit of optimism to the USM community, promising such things a $100,000,000 in external grant support, 20,000 students in the first 5 years, and luxury boxes in M.M. Roberts Stadium; 4. Shelby Thames, the father-figure (mob ties) leader, Tim Hudson, the hand-picked successor, Jack Hanbury, the shoot-from-the-hip attorney general, Ken Malone, the minister of war, Gregg Lassen, the money guy, Angeline Dvorak, the matriarch, Mark Dvorak, whipped, Cynthia Moore, the fashion-setting first lady of Camelot, and Lisa Mader, the hot, young public relations director who had everything under control; 5. yep, USM had it all but didn’t appreciate it. [guest Glossary entry by Lisa Mader]

USM’s enrollment < 1. a useless, totally specious statistic from now and into the near term; 2. like a cheating spouse, when you get lied to about the institution’s enrollment figures (one of its most important numbers), you can’t trust it anymore.

USM’s Golden Opportunity < 1. reference to quiz-kid Jim Hood’s quote on the day of the Glamser-Stringer settlement: "I think Southern Mississippi is on the brink of an opportunity to excel like no other university we’ve ever seen in 20 years." (The Sun Herald, 5/1/04); 2. Wow! Seems to indicate he would like to see president of his alma mater fire some people without due process so it can stand in the doorway of such a wonderful opportunity also — why let USM have all the fun and get all the glory?; 3. As a matter of fact, Harvard’s president is reportedly considering the same thing so it can get to that wonderful fork in the road as well; 4. thought that logically leads one to conclude that America owes Japan a debt of gratitude for bombing Pearl Harbor because it prodded us to make some needed physical upgrades to the naval installation there that for whatever reason we hadn’t been dedicated to making before 12/7/1941.

USMGC < Gulf Coast branch of the University of Southern Mississippi (Long Beach, MS).

USM millionaires < 1. reference to Shelby Thames’ plan to make millionaires out of all USM faculty and staff, presumably through grants and contracts; 2. Thames says his fear is that his plan will be so successful that all USM faculty and staff will retire at one time and nobody will be around to run the university (faculty/staff are leaving in droves, but don’t think it’s because they’re millionaires); 3. he reiterates this goal at each "new-faculty orientation".

USM Rose Garden < 1. with about 750 plants, one of only two All-American Rose Society accredited rose gardens in the State of Mississippi; 2. beautiful attraction at the main entrance to The University of Southern Mississippi; 3. like "comfort food" during the current crises at USM; 4. likely to be the only accredited piece of USM (outside College of Science &Technology) still standing when the Thames Regime is down for the count; 5. that is, if Angeline Dvorak and Gregg Lassen don’t put an innovation park on top of it first (as we all know, the land is not generating any revenue in its current form).

vacationing in Texas < political codename for president Thames’ absence (or other administrator’s absence) when things get too hot for him to handle, used to disguise the fact that he is hiding from political troubles of his own making.

Van Hook Golf Course < 1. USM golf course killed by Angeline Dvorak and Gregg Lassen to make way for an innovation park; 2. Van family found out in the newspaper like everyone else.

variorum < an edition of the works of an author, with notes by various scholars or editors.

The Varsity Voice < 1. new student newspaper to be introduced in the ‘04-‘05 academic year at USM by newly-elected Hub SGA president Walt Cain; 2. new student newspaper to serve as the mouthpiece of the administration, with editorials written by Lisa Mader, "news" coverage provided by Mader’s staff, with the financial backing of pro-Thames people in the private sector (see Thames Underworld); 3. lovingly known also as The Farcity Voice.

violation of the Buckley Amendment < 1. unauthorized release of confidential student records, such as individual test grades, course grades, transcripts, GPA, etc.; 2. according to Shelby Thames, (1) saying in an e-mail you’ve seen a student hanging around campus, taking classes for the past 7 years, (2) saying in an e-mail that certain named students came out of Professor Y’s exam session looking distressed, (3) saying in an e-mail that a certain named student went to Jones County Junior College before enrolling at USM, and/or (4) saying in an e-mail that a certain named student is a first-generation college student are all examples of violations of this Amendment.

Walters, Kevin < 1. reporter for The Hattiesburg American; 2. probes much deeper into USM crisis stories than his cohort Janet Braswell.

Wallace, Anne < 1. Professor of English at USM, and product of a national job search; 2. has written two very eloquent letters to the editor of The Student Printz concerning the troublesome Thames administration; 3. on 4/27/04, Wallace wrote that Shelby Thames ". . . doesn’t seem to know what every student knows: you can’t cover ignorance and shallow thinking with bravado and empty words."

Wallace Report < 1. report (for AAUP and Faculty Senate) on Angeline Dvorak’s "scholarship" since 1989 written by USM English Professor Anne Wallace; 2. thorough report by Anne Wallace on Angeline Dvorak’s scholarly productivity since 1989, said to contain more pages of text than Dvorak’s own published work covered; 3. details of report would be included in this entry, but webster’s Glossary is not about embarrassing Angeline Dvorak or other members of the Thames administration.

Ward, Robbie < 1. former editor of The Student Printz; 2. got the ball rolling on many of the Thames administration scandals as editor; 3. hounded incessantly by the Thames Regime.

WDAM-TV < 1. local NBC affiliate, serving Hattiesburg-Laurel; 2. broken several stories during the Thames administration.

Weathers, Jon Mark < 1. Hattiesburg-area District Attorney; 2. questioned Shelby Thames’ assertion that Frank Glamser and Gary Stringer may have committed criminal acts given that Thames had not contacted his office with the information; 3. stated that he saw no reason why the D.A.’s office couldn’t conduct a criminal investigation, if warranted, alongside an ongoing personnel action between USM and the IHL Board (never heard from Shelby Thames).

Webroot Spysweeper 2.0 < 1. software that protects a computer from common forms of spyware programs, including Trojans, system monitors, keyloggers and adware. Automatically updates spyware definitions to provide immediate protection from the latest threats (see iTech); 2. only $29.99 at bestbuy.com (online electronics store).

Webroot Window Washer 5.0 < 1. software that washes away your online and offline tracks to protect your privacy(see iTech), bleaches files, recovers hard disk space and speeds up system performance; 2. only $39.99 at compusa.com (online electronics store).

Wednesdays with Thames < meetings between Shelby Thames and his new, unelected, unrepresentative President’s University Council (first meeting scheduled for Wednesday, 5/12,2004). [guest Glossary entry by elliott]

well-oiled machine < 1. a Porsche 911; 2. the 1976 Miami Dolphins; 3. Southwest Airlines 4. a state university with a risk manager at the helm.

Whiting, Melissa < 1. former CISE faculty member and product of a national job search; 2. is suing the Thameses for falsely reporting her academic accomplishments while at USM and for violating State nepotism laws; 3. has retained famed attorney Kim Chaze and may soon get very wealthy off of the State of Mississippi.

Wiest, Andy < 1. professor of history at USM; 2. describes himself as conciliatory vis-a-vis the Thames administration early on, in fact, once convincing the Faculty Senate to table an early "no confidence" vote; 3. has since criticized the Thames administration, noting that the possibilities for USM experiences like those he has had over his lifetime are slipping away from future generations of students, maybe even for his own two children; 4. spoke out in favor of a "no confidence" vote at the March 2004 faculty convocation.

Willis, Russ < 1. former Director of Human Resources at USM; 2. currently listed as Associate Director of Human Resources at USM; 3. all that stands between Mark Dvorak and institutional Chernobyl.

wireless telecomm companies < 1. private-sector companies offering wireless telecommunications service, usually known as cellular phone service (e.g., Sprint, AT&T Wireless, Alltell, Cellular South, Cingular, Verizon, etc.); 2. companies about to experience a large windfall in the Hattiesburg area given Shelby Thames’ use of iTech to monitor faculty phone use.

witch hunt < Shelby Thames’ characterization of the investigation of Angeline Dvorak by Frank Glamser and Gary Stringer (term used by Thames in testimony during Glamser-Stringer hearings).

WLOX-TV < 1. ABC affiliate for Biloxi-Gulfport; 2. has broken several stories during the Thames administration.

world class university < 1. according to the Thames administration, one that maligns and wages war on its own faculty (Neil McMillen quote paraphrased); 2. fills important posts via Thames job searches.

WUSM < 1. USM radio network; 2. covers the Thames administration’s dome press conferences; 3. covering the Glamser-Stringer hearings on April 28-29, 2004.

Young, Amy < 1. Associate Professor (and Chair) of Anthropology and Sociology, and product of a national job search; 2. Director of Glamser-Stringer Legal Defense Fund; 3. was called by Cynthia Moore on the day Frank Glamser was suspended and told to get Glamser’s classes covered; 4. new President of AAUP chapter at USM.