Keep the workings of the faculty reward system secret.  Faculty members should never know what you expect of them for promotion or tenure or salary increases.  The more the criteria and standards for acceptable faculty performance can be left unspecified or kept vague, the easier it is for you to make a personnel decision which no one else will understand, and the more the faculty can be kept in a state of perpetual stress.  In addition, never allow the different conceptions of professional work published by most of our scholarly associations to influence your judgment; a chemistry professor is an art historian is an English teacher–make them all perform equally if they wish to be promoted (but of course let “market pressures” be your excuse for not paying them equally).  Never risk enhancing faculty loyalty and undermining demoralization efforts by institutionalizing any so-called “non-traditional faculty rewards” (such as awarding someone a reserved parking space, providing extra clerical support, granting travel or faculty development money, purchasing new office equipment for someone, new instructional software, etc.)  Always let the faculty know you have put aside salary money for matching “outside offers”; this policy not only encourages professors to spend their time looking for positions elsewhere, but has the splendidly demoralizing effect of letting all faculty know that their value to their institution increases only if they can prove some other college or university wants them.

This is Sooooo ironic.  Pood, what are you thinking right now?  Do you even have the capacity to think???