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Keith, Jim < 1. Jackson lawyer appointed by newly-elected Attorney General Jim Hood to "ensure fairness," in the upcoming Glamser-Stringer hearings; 2. fraudulent effort to effect "fairness" uncovered by geocities.com/fireshelby and Riva Brown.

Klumb, Roy < 1. Fordice appointee to the Mississippi IHL Board; 2. unconditionally supports the Thames administration in all its endeavors; 3. wouldn’t understand "conflict of interest" if it bit his bum.

Lassen, Gregg < 1. currently the Vice President for Financial Affairs at USM; 2. formerly Dean of Graduate Business Studies at the University of Phoenix (online university); 3. "retired" lobbyist at the age of 40; 4. failed politician in Texas and Utah; 5. a PhD student in USM’s own world-renown program in Economic Development; 6. product of a Thames job search.

Lott, Trent < 1. U.S. Senator from Mississippi; 2. persistently mocks the Thames administration (in the media) for not getting the Economic Development Center off the ground; 3. word on the street is that the Center is about to be moved to Oxford.

LSU social science grad student < authored statistical report claiming that Thames’ scandals could cost USM over $25 million in tuition revenues/state subsidies over the next four years.

Lucas, Aubrey < 1. USM President preceding the Horace Flemming administration; 2. institutionalized the USM Faculty Senate, and let it "find its own level" (Neil McMillen); 3. will soon likely be, for the third time, USM President, and will use the occasion to even more solidify his important place in USM history.

Mader, Lisa < 1. android spokesperson, tows the company line; 2. got 14.4% raise this February for doing such a good job at it; 3. product of a Thames job search.

Mader, Lisa Slay < see Lisa Mader.

Mader math < 1. malleable mathematical operations used to more effectively flak for the administration you support; 2. e.g., enrollment grew by 4% from last fall to this fall, and it grew by 3% from last spring to this spring. In summary, our enrollment grew 7% last year.

Mahogany Bar < 1. bar connected to Crescent City/Purple Parrot; 2. watering hole frequented by the Dvoraks and the Hanburys (and Mader some times).

Malone, Ken < 1. currently chair of economic development department and Chief Operating Officer of USM Gulf Coast; 2. brings polymer science degree and a wealth (or dearth?) of academic experience to the job of department chair of a department in the business college; 3. formerly worked under his major professor, Shelby Thames, while a PhD student at USM (a Thames wunderkind); 4. product of a Thames job search; 5. wife also works at USM (another product of a Thames job search).

Martin, Jim < 1. former USM Librarian (Head of Cook Library); 2. quietly forced out of his position early in the Thames administration.

McCain, William < 1. USM President preceding Aubrey Lucas administration; 2. nicknamed "the General" for his iron-fisted leadership; 3. provided a leadership role model for Shelby Thames, during Thames’ formative years on the USM faculty.

McFall, Linda < 1. former VP of Financial Affairs at USM, now working in a similar capacity with the IHL Board; 2. former USM official who reportedly may soon drop a dime.

McMillen, Neil < 1. retired USM professor of history; 2. outspoken critic of Thames administration; 3. eloquent speaker, a true wordsmith; 4. once a product of a national job search.

mid-year raises < 1. practice initiated by the Thames administration of giving raises in January instead of the beginning of the school year; 2. this practice makes it easier to conceal nepotism and cronyism, and allows for the secrecy that is necessary to "divide and conquer" the faculty (Neil McMillen quote).

Montague, Becky < 1. member of the USM Alumni Association Board; 2. wrote passionate and eloquent letter to state newspaper outlining the disastrous tenure of President Shelby Thames.

Moore, Chris < 1. Hub SGA senator who thought it a good idea to sponsor resolution in support of Angie Dvorak’s credentials and impressive resume; 2. he actually said to the media: who cares if she wasn’t a tenured associate professor of english at Kentucky, we didn’t hire her to be a faculty member, we hired her to be a vice president.

Moore, Cynthia < 1. current USM Associate Provost; 2. meteorically rose to prominence from a fashion merchandising faculty position to high-level administrator at USM.

my most prized possession < 1. phrase coined by USM President Shelby Thames to describe how he feels about USM students. In fact, the students are the focus of every decision he makes. Students are so close to his heart that he claims each and every one as a dependent on his annual 1040 form.

national job search < type of job search where resumes are sought from the best and brightest across the nation and the globe to fill an employment vacancy.

Nicholson, Carl < 1. Hattiesburg resident, and IHL Board member; 2. staunch pro-Thames figure; 3. as things are slipping away from Thames and his term is ending, Nicholson thinks he can go quietly into the night now.

no stone left unturned on Hardy Street < 1. statement made by Shelby Thames in the early part of his administration; 2. Thames statement indicating plans to transform USM into a vo-tech institute; 3. foot-in-mouth statement made by Shelby Thames inadvertently reminding USM faithful and the public of the Hardy Street High insult.

Paint & Coatings Magazine < 1. "bucket and paddle" trade publication; 2. named Shelby Thames Man-of-the-Year last year.

Panton, Ken < 1. Dean of USM’s Honors College; 2. reportedly accepted a Thames administration offer to be Honors College Dean at a previously agreed upon salary, only to get a "Dear John" letter from Thames on his first day at the helm indicating that his actual salary would have to be much less than what had previously been agreed to.

Paul, Joseph < 1. currently serves as the Vice President of Student Affairs at USM; 2. bleeds black and gold (USM school colors); 3. has been affiliated with USM since long before a Thames job search was ever conducted; 4. current finalist for the post of Vice President of Student Affairs at Texas A&M University in College Station, TX; 5. must now decide whether he wants to work around the current traditions at Texas A&M — the 12th man, Revelie, and Yell Leaders — or those currently building at USM — Tuesdays with Thames, anti-Thames protests on south lawn of the AKL Adminstration, Building, and reading The Varsity Voice/discussing the third side of issues of the day.

perpetual student education < 1. the farcical/nonsense third side argument made by newly-elected Hub SGA president Walt Cain recently; 2. supposedly describes Cain’s stance on the current crisis at USM.

phantom students < 1. the 674 students that magically appeared on USM’s Fall semester 2003 roll sheet turned in to the IHL Board that also magically disappeared the following day; 2. overcount of USM students in the Fall of 2003 as a result of human error.

Pileum Corporation < 1. management consulting firm from Jackson, MS; 2. working with USM in the area of technology implementation; 3. rumor has it that Pileum Corporation is one of a few firms to be awarded contract work from USM without having to go through a competitive bid process (see Phil Bryant).

Polk, Noel < 1. professor of English at USM; 2. product of a national job search; 3. staunchly anti-Thames, famous for the "...world class foot.." quote.

Pood, Elliott < 1. first-year Dean of USM’s College of Arts and Letters; 2. hid in his office while Shelby Thames carried out his Pearl Harbor-style attack on USM professors Frank Glamser and Gary Stringer; 3. actually made statements on the first day of the firings that sounded a lot like Walt Cain’s third side argument about perpetual student education, though Cain coined the phrase; 4. recently surfaced to praise the hiring of Glamser’s teaching replacement.

pump up resume < 1. term used by Angeline Dvorak to describe why she sought a JD degree from Thomas Cooley Law School in the mid-1990s; 2. term also incriminates her use of the "tenured associate professor of english at Kentucky" statement (on her resume).