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I always finish what I start < Angeline Dvorak’s response to the media when questioned if she still plans to sue those who questioned her credentials/resume.

I Support Glamser and Stringer < 1. tags worn by USM faculty and students on a daily basis now; 2. becoming ubiquitous symbols of what USM has become under Thames.

IHL Board < 1. governing body of Institutions of Higher Learning in Mississippi; 2. seems to know little about "higher education," and even less about governing these days; 3. slim majority seems to pro-Thames all the way.

IHL yahoo < a crude or brutish IHL Board member (e.g., Roy Klumb).

image problem < how Lisa Mader characterizes the nuclear wasteland USM is quickly becoming.

I’m not a walking, talking, blithering idiot < 1. statement made by Shelby Thames at a Faculty Senate meeting in September of 2002 in response to a question relating to whether he knew the difference between evaluating the study of John Milton and evaluating the study of environmentally-friendly paint; 2. Shelby Thames’ actual response: "I would hope you can look at me and understand I’m not a walking, talking, blithering idiot. I understand there’s a difference in teaching and research in the arts, the sciences."; 3. USM faculty "looked at" Thames for another 18 months, and in March of 2004, voted 430-32 against the understanding that he was not "a walking, talking, blithering idiot."

Impeach Thames < 1. popular sign/sticker slogan visible around USM and at anti-Thames rallies; 2. slogan on bumper stickers that made their first appearance shortly after Thames’ installment as USM President.

The Independent < 1. new weekly newspaper in Lamar County; 2. now the largest weekly newspaper in the state of Mississippi; 3. usually takes a harder line approach to the Thames administration than the Hattiesburg American, but doesn’t yet seem to have the resources necessary to do a Watergate-style series and finish the job; 4. if given the Hattiesburg American’s resources, it might be a real force in this whole mess.

IRGU4U < license plate on Jack Hanbury’s BMW.

iTech < 1. information/technology department of USM; 2. USM department charged with monitoring employee phone and Internet usage (by any means necessary).

Jackson State Community College < one of four community/junior colleges where Angeline Dvorak got the requisite experience/training to hold a VP-position at a national university; 2. located in Jackson, TN.

Java Werks < 1. gourmet coffee house across Hardy Street from USM; 2. coffee house that often serves as staging ground (for CSUSM) before anti-Thames rallies that take place on USM’s campus; 3. has good credentials for the Friends List.

Jones, Annette < 1. retired faculty member, Towson State University, now residing in Laurel; 2. brought in to cover Frank Glamser’s uncovered (after several class meetings) sociology course; 3. has the full support of Arts and Letters Dean Elliott Pood.

Keith, Jim < 1. Jackson lawyer appointed by newly-elected Attorney General Jim Hood to "ensure fairness," in the upcoming Glamser-Stringer hearings; 2. fraudulent effort to effect "fairness" uncovered by geocities.com/fireshelby and Riva Brown.

Kinney, Terry < 1. professor of human performance and recreation at USM; 2. given terminal contract in late October of 2003; 3. is suing Shelby Thames and other USM administrators in U.S. District Court for violating a prior agreement to award him tenure (seeking $2 million in damages).

Klumb, Roy < 1. Fordice appointee to the Mississippi IHL Board; 2. unconditionally supports the Thames administration in all its endeavors; 3. wouldn’t understand "conflict of interest" if it bit his bum; 4. famous for smirking at CSUSM at open IHL Board Members (Roy, please excuse us if our cynicism is showing); 5. Huge proponent of Thames authority; 6. see IHL yahoo.

Konz, Antoinette < 1. reporter for The Hattiesburg American; 2. probes a little bit deeper into USM crisis stories than her cohort Janet Braswell.

LAB Lobby table < 1. table set up in the Lobby of USM’s Liberal Arts Building, run by the CSUSM; 2. distributes anti-Thames items, many of which are free-of-charge (thanks to some generous donors); 3. proceeds from the items that are for sale (e.g., t-shirts with quotes by either Noel Polk or Neil McMillen) go to the Glamser-Stringer Legal Defense Fund; 4. Free-of-charge items include mock "USM For Sale" signs and Impeach Thames bumper stickers.

Lassen, Gregg < 1. currently the Vice President for Financial Affairs at USM; 2. formerly Dean of Graduate Business Studies at the University of Phoenix (online university); 3. "retired" lobbyist at the age of 40; 4. failed politician in Texas and Utah; 5. a PhD student in USM’s own world-renown program in Economic Development; 6. product of a Thames job search.

Lee, J. Charles < 1. President of Mississippi State University, Mississippi’s largest 4-year institution of higher learning (title held by MSU for 16 years prior, except for a couple of months in the Fall of 2003); 2. his IHL "colleague" and "friend" Shelby Thames stole his title of state’s largest university (see phantom students), though only for a fleeting moment in the Fall of 2003; Thames’ (see also Susan Siltanen) human error had revenue implications (potentially) for both schools (negative for MSU, and positive for USM) through "branding" or "marketing," not to mention IHL funding; 3. Memo to President Lee: watch your own back from now on; you might not get saved by The Student Printz next time, they’re already overworked covering the many facets of this image problem over at USM without having to take care of you too.

Loftus, Jared < 1. former Hub SGA President; 2. Hub SGA president during the Thames administration and the subsequent crises that this administration became embroiled in (e.g., the Glamser-Stringer firings, etc., etc., etc.); 3. spent last weeks of term in office handling the ecoutrements for the Rahzel/Train concert in Reed Green Coliseum.

Lott, Trent < 1. U.S. Senator from Mississippi; 2. persistently mocks the Thames administration (in the media) for not getting the Economic Development Center off the ground; 3. word on the street is that the Center is about to be moved to Oxford.

LSU social science grad student < authored statistical report claiming that Thames’ scandals could cost USM over $25 million in tuition revenues/state subsidies over the next four years.

Lucas, Aubrey < 1. USM President preceding the Horace Flemming administration; 2. institutionalized the USM Faculty Senate, and let it "find its own level" (Neil McMillen); 3. will soon likely be, for the third time, USM President, and will use the occasion to even more solidify his important place in USM history.

lunch at McDonald’s < where USM sociology professor Frank Glamser ate lunch on December 11, 2003 — probably the last bread he ever broke in a state of peace (he returned from lunch to his office on campus to find, under his door, the anonymous envelope containing original, unmarked documents belonging in the Dvorak Variorum); 2. just weeks after this lunch, Glamser and his colleague Gary Stringer were summarily "Harrised" (see Anthony Harris).

Mader, Lisa < 1. android spokesperson, tows the company line; 2. got 14.4% raise this February for doing such a good job at it; 3. product of a Thames job search; 4. Axis Sally; 5. Tokyo Rose; 6. see also Darth Mader.

Mader, Lisa Slay < see Lisa Mader.

Mader math < 1. malleable mathematical operations used to more effectively flack for the administration you support; 2. e.g., enrollment grew by 4% from last fall to this fall, and it grew by 3% from last spring to this spring. In summary, our enrollment grew 7% this year.

Mader’s List < Media: So Lisa, why are USM faculty leaving in such astounding numbers? Lisa: Our exit interviews suggest that many aren’t really leaving, they are just going off to work at other universities so those schools can get to know them and their families (and vice versa) and see what kinds of talents (former) USM faculty have to offer. They weren’t really looking to leave, but they are now going to work elsewhere. So in that sense numbers are misleading. Still, others have said that with the shake-up of Conference-USA — many of the teams are leaving for the Big East Conference and elsewhere — working here doesn’t offer the challenges it used to. Finally, a few have indicated that we haven’t broken up the campus and scattered its departments and colleges around town fast enough, so they’re leaving for other institutions. We indicated to those faculty that we are moving as fast as we can, but you can spend the $1.8 million savings from the university restructuring only so many times.

Mahogany Bar < 1. bar connected to Crescent City/Purple Parrot; 2. watering hole frequented by the Dvoraks and the Hanburys (and Mader some times).

Malone, Ken < 1. currently chair of economic development department and Chief Operating Officer of USM Gulf Coast; 2. brings polymer science degree and a wealth (or dearth?) of academic experience to the job of department chair of a department in the business college; 3. formerly worked under his major professor, Shelby Thames, while a PhD student at USM (a Thames wunderkind); 4. product of a Thames job search; 5. wife also works at USM (another product of a Thames job search); 6. tells job candidates who visit USMGC that he calls all the shots there and they will do what he says or not get the privilege of being asked to come and work there; 7. brags about how many people he’s fired since coming on board at USM; 8. see cronyism; 9. see nepotism.

Martin, Chief Phillip < 1. Chief of the Mississippi Band of Choctaw Indians; 2. created scholarship program (in 1994) for Mississippi Choctaws attending USM; 3. in Fall of 2002, Chief Martin gave USM President Shelby Thames a handwoven basket in exchange for a golden eagle painting at a meeting where the two discussed the future of the program and increasing the number of participants (part of Thames’ goal to take USM enrollment to 20,000). "We pointed out to the chief the number of world-class programs we have on campus," Thames said after the meeting; 3. word to Chief Martin: don’t trust the white-man Thames.

Martin, Jim < 1. former USM Librarian (Head of Cook Library); 2. quietly forced out of his position early in the Thames administration.

Maute, Nikki Davis < 1. reporter for The Hattiesburg American; 2. probes a little bit deeper into USM crisis stories than her cohort Janet Braswell.

McCain, William < 1. USM President preceding Aubrey Lucas administration; 2. nicknamed "the General" for his iron-fisted leadership; 3. provided a leadership role model for Shelby Thames, during Thames’ formative years on the USM faculty.

McFall, Linda < 1. former VP of Financial Affairs at USM, now working in a similar capacity with the IHL Board; 2. former USM official who reportedly may soon drop a dime.

McMillen, Neil < 1. retired USM professor of history; 2. outspoken critic of Thames administration; 3. eloquent speaker, a true wordsmith; 4. once a product of a national job search.

mid-year raises < 1. practice initiated by the Thames administration of giving raises in January instead of the beginning of the school year; 2. this practice makes it easier to conceal nepotism and cronyism, and allows for the secrecy that is necessary to "divide and conquer" the faculty (Neil McMillen quote).

missing Chinese lab techs < 1. story that hit the street earlier in the Thames presidency, alleging that Thames summarily fired a large number of Chinese (and other Asian) lab techs working in the College of Science and Technology (with one stroke of the pen), reportedly for communicating with one-another in their native languages on the lab floor during work hours. Many complained, to no avail apparently, that they were not notified prior to their termination that there was an English-only rule in the labs.

Mitchell, Danny < 1. Chairman and CEO of GodwinGroup; 2. supporter of Shelby Thames; 3. believes, through his research, that USM’s brand remains "robust" even through the current crises (see William Gunther for study reaching the opposite conclusion); 4. recently created USM’s athletics slogan, "Anyone, Anywhere, Anytime," which was null and void on the day it debuted in the Fall of 2003 when Jackson State football players noticed the signs around M.M. Roberts stadium as they were warming up for the opening game of the season, and they reminded reporters covering the game that USM refused to sign a contract to come to Jackson’s Memorial Stadium and play the Tigers in a rematch. So much for Danny Mitchell’s market research.

Modern Paint & Coatings Magazine < 1. "bucket and paddle" trade publication; 2. named Shelby Thames Man-of-the-Year last year.

Montague, Becky < 1. member of the USM Alumni Association Board; 2. wrote passionate and eloquent letter to state newspaper outlining the disastrous tenure of President Shelby Thames.

Moore, Chris < 1. Hub SGA senator who thought it a good idea to sponsor resolution in support of Angie Dvorak’s credentials and impressive resume; 2. he actually said to the media (paraphrase): who cares if she wasn’t a tenured associate professor of english at Kentucky, we didn’t hire her to be a faculty member, we hired her to be a vice president.

Moore, Cynthia < 1. current USM Associate Provost; 2. meteorically rose to prominence from a fashion merchandising faculty position to high-level administrator at USM; 3. Thames administration sweetheart.

mother of all questions < if the IHL yahoos and all the other external constituencies of USM believe that kicking the sh#% out of USM (through Shelby’s boot), and universities in general, is such a wonderful "business plan," then why isn’t any effort being put toward kicking the sh#% out of Ole Miss and State? (After all, USM has been gettin’ the sh#% kicked out of her for two full years now).

my most prized possession < 1. phrase coined by USM President Shelby Thames to describe how he feels about USM students. In fact, the students are the focus of every decision he makes. Students are so close to his heart that he claims each and every one as a dependent on his annual 1040 form.

Napoleon complex < 1. Napoleon’s name is often connected with overreaching military ambition and delusions of grandeur; 2. because Napoleon was short, overly aggressive men of short stature are sometimes said to have a "Napoleon complex" (The New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy, 3rd Edition, 2002); see Shelby Thames for classic case study.

national job search < type of job search where resumes are sought from the best and brightest across the nation and the globe to fill an employment vacancy.

Nazi uniform < 1. brown shirt uniform with swastika worn by USM President Shelby Thames in a picture that was photographed and published in a recent issue of The Chronicle of Higher Education; 2. poster of Thames in Nazi uniform created by Fire Shelby (see Fire Shelby’s interview with The Student Printz for story on the origins of geocities.com/fireshelby and Nazi uniform.

nepotism < 1. favoritism shown or patronage granted by persons in high office to relatives or close friends; 2. see Dana Thames; 3. at USM (under Thames), it’s just our way of "helping people," after all that’s what "Southern Miss is all about" these days; [quote from Shelby Thames in April of 2004: "That’s what Southern Miss is all about — helping people."]

Nicholson, Carl < 1. Hattiesburg resident, and IHL Board member; 2. staunch pro-Thames figure; 3. as things are slipping away from Thames and Nicholson’s term is ending, he thinks he can go quietly into the night now; 4. reportedly set up a (an ethically questionable) "Come home to Jesus" meeting between Shelby Thames and Robbie Ward in his business offices (meeting was said to have been thwarted by Thames’ scandals/public pressure); 5. supports Thames authority; 6. see IHL yahoo.

1981 < 1. Monte Piliawski published Exit 13, the book about politics and corruption at USM; 2. USM Vice President for Research and Economic Development, Angeline Dvorak, was a teacher at Panama City Christian School (assuming her resume is accurate on this point); 3. Shelby Thames was dismissed as an administrator at USMGC by Aubrey Lucas, reportedly for incompetence and indiscretions (see bootyologist).

90% to 90% < reference to statement in his letter to the editor of The Hattiesburg American made by Roy Klumb that 90% of the on-campus letters he receives are against Shelby Thames, while 90% of the off-campus letters he receives are in support of Shelby Thames.

no stone left unturned on Hardy Street < 1. statement made by Shelby Thames in the early part of his administration; 2. Thames statement indicating plans to transform USM into a vo-tech institute; 3. foot-in-mouth statement made by Shelby Thames inadvertently reminding USM faithful and the public of the Hardy Street High insult.

Norton, M. J. < 1. Melanie Norton, Associate Professor of Library and Information Sciences at USM; 2. member of the Faculty Senate who voted "no confidence" in Shelby Thames (see 40-0) in March of 2004, but shortly afterward felt sorry for doing so and wrote a letter to The Hattiesburg American stating her feeling that the issues were not black and white, and that Shelby Thames was not such a bad President; 3. consistently pro-Thames member of faculty (except for the one hiccup).

open hearing < 1. the Glamser-Stringer appeal hearings on April 28-29, 2004 are to be open, as defined by Reuben Anderson, which means the public and media can attend, with the media allowed to videotape and photograph the proceedings under Mississippi Supreme Court guidelines (see The Hattiesburg American website’s PM update 4/12/04); 2. USM President Shelby Thames wanted his definition of open to prevail, which meant a real-time Internet feed of the transcripts going to USM’s website along with a live video feed aired on cable access (t.v.) channel 11, a P.A. announcer introducing the principals, scantily clad "ringside" girls holding large placards announcing bathroom and meal breaks, and box seating for Krandall Howell and Billy Hewes with complimentary beer/boiled peanuts.