Q

quid pro quo < 1. letting Billy Hewes deliver the USMGC commencement address for pushing through a pro-Thames resolution in the Gulfport City Council; 2. letting Blake Hamm deliver the USM commencement address for bringing the Hub SGA into the Thames fold; 3. quid=commencement address and quo=political support; 4. see cronyism; 5. see nepotism.

Quinlivan, Rachel < 1. currently the editor of The Student Printz; 2. carrying on Robbie Ward’s legacy in search of the truth; 3. drug into the Glamser-Stringer hearings by Shelby Thames when he read a private e-mail of hers that was caught in his e-mail surveillance scheme (see also e-mail perverts).

Ramsey, Marshall < 1. Pulitzer Prize-winning editorial cartoonist appearing in The Clarion Ledger; 2. spoofs thee Thames administration by depicting Shelby Thames as the evil doctor played by Mike Meyers in the Austin Powers movie series.

red-blooded American male < 1. common usage: a man’s man; 2. a double-dog dare that Shelby Thames uses in the media to get underpaid USM faculty to take on his million-dollar public relations machine in the "court of public opinion".

resume < 1. employment document listing all one has done and been in his/her professional life; 2. for USM administrators, what you wish you had been able to do and be can also be included without negative consequences (they have Thames job insurance).

Risk Manager < 1. useful henchman for iron-fisted leaders; 2. helps administration of an organization get around, for a time, pesky legal restrictions and constitutional protections; 3. legally effects Thames authority.

Robinson, Robin < 1. IHL Board appointee (April 2004) by Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour; 2. USM grad, and Human Resources official at Sanderson Farms in Laurel; 3. is opposed to the universities raising tuition and wants them to become "self-sufficient" (by selling their inventions).

Ross, Scott < 1. IHL Board member; 2. didn’t think the USM crisis warranted IHL Board agenda consideration for the first meeting held after the firing of two highly regarded tenured faculty members, even after the Faculty Senate had voted 40-0 "no confidence in Thames" and the USM faculty had voted 430-32 in affirmation of its Senate; 3. blasted the NCAA for "bothering" Mississippi State’s "shiny clean" football program; 4. see IHL yahoo.

Roundhouse cleaning < reference to subtle signs in March/April 2004 that the Thames administration was in the throes of collapse. The subtle signs included (a) Angeline and Mark Dvorak’s garage sale, (b) Joe Paul’s resignation from the Hattiesburg City Schools Board, supporting the belief that he was to become the new VP of Student Affairs at Texas A&M University, (c) discovery that Provost Tim Hudson was a finalist for the presidencies at Slippery Rock and Texas – Pan Am, and (d) word that Aubrey K. Lucas’ daughter was building a home in Canebrake.

sanitizing the website < routine (daily) practice by iTech officials at USM of removing exaggerations and untruths from various parts of USM’s official homepage, especially after feeling the heat of geocities.org/fireshelby and other watchdogs.

Scallan, Melissa < news reporter for The Sun Herald who covers stories related to USM turmoil.

Scarborough, William < 1. Professor of History at USM; 2. esteemed scholar and product of a national job search some time ago; 3. word has it that he can get your hands on a Friends List if you want one; 4. astute critic of Thames administration from the beginning: "It’s obvious that the people who had the most influence in [the selection of Shelby Thames as USM President] were the car dealers, the lawyers and the athletics supporters..."; 5. for examples of the types of individuals Scarborough spoke about in this April 2002 quote, see Krandall Howell, Paul "Bud" Holmes, and Billy Hewes (see also Thames Underworld).

Schilling, Ryan < 1. USM alumnus who was removed from Reed Green Coliseum by USM police officers for participating in a calm, orderly protest of the Thames administration during a USM mens basketball game; 2. USM alumnus who protested Thames in the Greenhouse, and has since become a community icon.

school uniforms < 1. khaki-colored button-downs worn by all iTech employees during work hours at USM; 2. cheaper t-shirt versions are also being worn now by Physical Plant employees, stating their name, rank and serial number; 3. new uniform policy initiated by Shelby Thames for certain staff/support agencies within the university, all to make him feel more like king of the world (see Napoleon complex).

17 days < 1. length of time it took Ken Malone to answer William Powell’s question: does Angeline Dvorak hold a tenure track position at USM? (see also 14-0); 2. question was posed by Powell on March 22 (2004) and answered (via e-mail) by Malone (with a "no sir-ree-bob") on April 7 (2004).

Sex with Secretary Equals Misuse of USM Property < ubiquitous sign at anti-Thames rallies on campus.

Shanteau-Newton, Virginia < 1. IHL Board member from the Gulf Coast; 2. the only board member with a USM degree (currently); 3. the only board member to vote against Thames on both rounds of voting (see Ricki Garrett), and still the only one to consistently oppose Thames; 4. Nostradamus-like vision regarding USM crises: "I feared this would happen . . . this is what I feared...."; 5. in the aftermath of the Glamser-Stringer settlement, she said she remaining "deeply disturbed" about USM’s turmoils.

Shearer, Kenneth B. < 1. past president of the USM Alumni Association (1970-1971); 2. believes in Thames authority; 3. wrote letter to The Hattiesburg American (4/26/04) stating that Shelby Thames follows legal and ethical standards, though USM faculty have often encumbered the institution by abusing tenure; 4. believes USM faculty to be a bunch of whiners.

Shelby in the Schoolhouse Door < 1. reference to Shelby Thames’ quote, "I cannot in good conscience return these two individuals [Frank Glamser and Gary Stringer] to the classroom," made by Thames after reviewing students’ suggestions (from the first-ever Tuesdays against Thames meeting, the Tuesday after the firings), along with Provost Tim Hudson’s support, to allow the two fired professors to finish their teaching duties for Spring semester 2004; 2. Shelby Thames’ refusal to let Frank Glamser continue teaching and shaping the minds of his almost 200 students; 3. yet another example of a Southern figure standing in the schoolhouse door, barring students (this time about 200 of them) from getting the education they are entitled to as taxpayers/U.S. citizens; 4. to amend and borrow from former Alabama Governor George Wallace’s line: "‘Not in good conscience’ today, ‘not in good conscience’ tomorrow, ‘not in good conscience’ forever" (imagine being said by Shelby Thames, with a strong Southern accent); 5. yet another defeat for academic integrity that Provost Tim Hudson didn’t see fit to resign over.

Shelby Thames University < a Carnegie 23Z-YVR4-subsectionXIV "practical arts" institution.

Shelbyjugend < see Hub SGA (see also my most prized possession).

Siltanen, Susan < 1. Assistant Provost at USM; 2. committed the unthinkable — human error — during her service to the Thames administration when she misreported USM enrollment figures, leading to Shelby Thames’ false claim (see The Student Printz) that USM had surpassed Mississippi State as the state’s largest university; 3. mis/overcounted USM’s Fall 2003 enrollment by 674 students (see phantom students); 4. if you don’t believe the miscount theory, the Thames administration asks that you buy the theory that Siltanen, acting as a maverick, "broken arrow" USM administrator, took it upon herself to knowingly misreport USM enrollment figures (Roy Klumb and Carl Nicholson apparently bought one, or both, of these theories); 5. Siltanen relieved by Thames from enrollment reporting responsibilities on solid grounds.

Slay, Lisa < see Lisa Mader.

solid grounds < 1. the standard of evidence/proof employed by the Thames administration in its investigations; 2. a standard of evidence/proof more sound than "beyond any reasonable doubt"; 3. this standard is met if, and only if, a risk manager and a group of unnamed "outside attorneys" review a packet of evidence from an investigation conducted by someone with a conflict of interest (e.g., that same risk manager, who is a good friend of the person he is asked to investigate) and decide that a punishment is indeed necessary. This standard is also most likely to be met when unnamed sources voluntarily provide useful information that indicates that the alleged transgression "was worse than anyone ever imagined."

Southern Diversified Products, LLC < 1. Mississippi MURA Company, located on Hardy Street across from Lake Byron on the USM campus; 2. employs USM polymer science students to mix American Pride Paint for the Shelby Thames Research Group.

Spigener, Sarah < 1. former Vice President of the Hub SGA; 2. refused to criticize Angeline Dvorak’s credentials even after discovering she and the rest of the Hub SGA had been misled by Dvorak (see Chad Cornett); 3. maintains now that Dvorak has done too much good for USM students to question her credentials (see Van Hook Golf Course for example of the good things Dvorak has done for students).

St. John, Robert < 1. chef at the Purple Parrott/Crescent City Grill in Hattiesburg; 2. pro-Thames chef in Hattiesburg, who is said to have attended the Honor House Rally; 3. doesn’t seem to understand that his establishments got screwed by Shelby Thames’ and Ken Malone’s Downtown Lunch Express (see 2 Trolleys) plan that had the 2 USM trolleys exit campus and head east on Hardy Street to the many fine downtown restaurants (i.e., in the opposite direction of St. John’s eateries).

staff don’t eat < reference to a policy from the Thames administration mandating that all departmental offices remain open during lunch (see efficiency), leaving overworked (and underpaid) secretarial staff scrambling for time/opportunity to get lunch (they had previously been allowed to close during the lunch hour).

Stevie Wonder-like vision < The Hattiesburg American’s sports columnist Vann Arnold’s take on the Thames administration’s judgement/astuteness to close Van Hook Golf Course when he (Arnold) thought it could have easily been saved for the Hattiesburg community (see also Sarah Spigener).

Stringer, Gary < 1. Moorman Professor of English at USM, fired without due process; 2. product of a national job search decades ago; 3. world-renown scholar, the Donne Variorum, etc; 4. has(d) tenure, but not Thames job insurance; 5. USM faculty and Faculty Senate both overwhelmingly voted that they would rather have Gary Stringer as a colleague than Shelby Thames (statement attributed to Noel Polk).

Strossen, Nadine < 1. national president of the ACLU; 2. spoke at anti-Thames rally on the Bennett Auditorium lawn on April 6, 2004.

The Student Printz < 1. USM’s official student newspaper; 2. newspaper whose scathing editorials on the corruption at USM that led Thames to conclude that we aren’t properly educating our journalism students any more; 3. broken more Thames-scandal stories than Hattiesburg American, including the USM enrollment scandal.

students’ right to privacy < entry on page 77 of the USM Student Handbook (2003-2004) stating that the "University [USM] will not police students’ private lives on or off campus nor violate their privacy rights in any way" (see e-mail perverts). [guest Glossary entry by wary undergrad]

Sulentic, Margaret Mary < 1. former assistant professor in CISE; 2. well-qualified, product of a national job search; 3. professional threat to Dana Thames; 4. quietly left USM after mistreatment at hands of department chair, but not before putting into action: "type in ‘c: format’ then press ‘Enter’".

The Sun Herald < 1. the Biloxi-Gulfport area news authority; 2. middle-of-the pack coverage.

Swan, Randy < 1. WDAM-TV news anchor; 2. conducted interview with Shelby Thames where Thames debuted the phrase well-oiled machine; 3. submitted affidavit to Reuben Anderson indicating Lisa Mader submitted documents to his office containing an un-redacted Social Security Number for Angeline Dvorak, thus seriously damaging Shelby Thames’ case against Frank Glamser and Gary Stringer.

Taylor, Clint < 1. Managing Partner, Purple Parrot Company, Inc. of Hattiesburg; 2. Crescent City Grill manager who wrote a pro-Thames letter to The Hattiesburg American on 3/10/2004 expressing the view that there was no hard evidence indicating that morale on USM’s campus was low (see campus morale) and that USM faculty were a bit too emotional; 3. business at the Crescent City Grill, Purple Parrot, and Mahogany Bar is reportedly down, but it can’t be blamed on a faculty boycott unless Clint Taylor presents hard evidence of such from a boycott sensor/boycott sensing device; 4. doesn’t seem to understand that his establishments got screwed by Shelby Thames’ and Ken Malone’s Downtown Lunch Express (see 2 Trolleys) plan that had the 2 USM trolleys exit campus and head east on Hardy Street to the many fine downtown restaurants (i.e., in the opposite direction of Taylor’s eateries).

Taylor, Gene < 1. U.S. Representative from Mississippi; 2. goaded Thames into announcing that USM would take over operation of the Gulfport V.A. Hospital, even though Thames did not have IHL Board permission to accept such a responsibility.

$10,000 donation to USM < word-on-the-street amount necessary for retired USM professors to be awarded emeritus status from the appropriate authority within the Thames administration.

tenure < 1. special employment status granted to those in the academy, in an effort to secure academic freedom for the professorate; 2. apparently, it is a somewhat inferior protection to Thames job insurance.

tenured Associate Professor of English at the University of Kentucky, Lexington, KY < professional title describing an individual who has produced a very good scholarly record in English (i.e., journal articles/monographs/books, etc.) over about a five to six year (or more) period at the University of Kentucky in Lexington, all the while teaching the requisite course load within the Department of English at the University of Kentucky in Lexington; 2. professional title describing an individual very familiar with campus life at the University of Kentucky in Lexington; 3. an individual who, in addition to scholarly and teaching endeavors done under the auspices of the University of Kentucky in Lexington, has performed various committee service tasks for the University of Kentucky in Lexington, and has been involved in community service events in the city of Lexington, KY; 4. person whom the other faculty members in the Department of English at the University of Kentucky in Lexington have heard of and seen before.

Thames authority < 1. governing authority believed to have been given to Shelby Thames by the IHL Board when Thames was coronated as USM’s President (in the Spring of 2002). 2. IHL authority held by Thames, giving him the right to flog, without regard to faculty/staff handbooks, tenure, academic freedom, other rules, or simple decorum; 3. authority given to Thames espoused by many in the private sector (see Billy Hewes and Krandall Howell), as well as some on the IHL Board (see Roy Klumb and Carl Nicholson); 4. see also flog and blog.

Thames, Dana < 1. Chair of CISE at USM; 2. harbors professional jealousy, runs off competent faculty members; 3. being sued by Melissa Whiting for nepotism; 4. actual biological product (daughter) of Shelby Thames, which is more secure from employment perspective than being a product of a Thames job search; 5. got huge raise (15%) from her dad last year.

Thames job insurance < 1. employment protection provided by USM president Shelby Thames for upper-level administrators at the school; 2. job protection for administrators at USM ,superior to tenure, and unavailable to USM faculty; 3. phrase coined by Abbenyi Abbenyi in an editorial cartoon.

Thames job search < 1. the type of job search to fill an upper-level (or other) administrative appointment without placing advertisements in the proper venue, seeking candidates across a national spectrum, or following EEOC regulations; 2. job search popularized by USM president Shelby Thames, where family, friends and cronies are hired to important management positions without doing a national job search.

Thames plantation < Robbie Ward’s reference to USM President Shelby Thames’ 19th Century-style (mis)management of USM.

Thames Regime playing cards < 1. brilliant satire of the Thames administration, and its scandals, by The Student Printz; 2. The Student Printz’s satirical look at the Thames Regime through cartoons depicting Thames administration officials’ faces on a deck of playing cards, much like the Iraqi criminals were depicted by U.S./coalition forces in the "hunt" for them that ensued after formal fighting in Iraq dissipated (2003); cartoon captioned with the question (paraphrase): Have you seen these Thames Regime officials?

Thames, Shelby < 1. the current and embattled President of the University of Southern Mississippi who fired two professors without due process and committed countless other egregious acts; 2. "bucket and paddle" scientist; 3. Dome Gnome (his personal favorite); 4. Saddam. 5. Pocket Mussolini; 6. see Napoleon complex; 7. bootyologist; 8. calls Billy Hewes a credit to his community and a great citizen, and was pleased to offer Hewes an invitation to address the USMGC class of ‘04; 9. peckerhead (see Dennis Pauley).

Thames toast < 1. what USM’s president became after he charged distinguished professors with "malicious" acts, attempted to discharge them, using only unethically captured private emails as evidence; 2. result of appearing before a retired Mississippi Supreme Court Justice with no evidence. 3. rumored to be a favorite food of gnomes. [guest Glossary entry by outside observer]

Thames Trickeration < 1. Thames administration strategy of making big announcements/plans, that it has no intention and/or ability to follow-through upon, to divert attention away from how bad things really are around campus. 2. examples of the strategy include announcements/plans related to expanding M.M. Roberts Stadium, building an over (or under) pass at the Elam Arms intersection of Hardy Street for students to cross safely, renovating the Albertson’s Building for the Nursing School, renovating/adding box seating to Reed Green Coliseum, renovating old Hattiesburg High School and moving the Department of Art downtown, building a tennis complex for USM’s varsity tennis teams, assuming control of the Gulfport V.A. Hospital and integrating it into the College of Health, building a U.S. Olympic training facility, getting USM’s enrollment to 20,000 within his first 4/5 years as president, building an innovation/research park on top of the old Van Hook Golf Course, and taking Southern Miss to the top!

Thames Underworld < name given to the set of questionable (shady) characters USM’s president sometimes associates with.

Thames’ un-named donors (of $3.5 million to finish Trent Lott Building campaign) < Mississippi taxpayers.

Thamesectomy < 1. life-saving surgical procedure USM needs, and stat. As part of the procedure, the admin "margins" will be examined and possibly removed if they too are determined to be infected, as they are thought to be from a cursory examination; 2. still waiting on the IHL yahoos to sign the "consent forms" and perform the much-needed procedure (the IHL Board is acting too much like an academic HMO).

third side < 1. fictitious, nonexistent side of a(n) argument or controversy, where spineless political leaders run and hide when the heat turns up; 2. political term coined by newly-elected Hub SGA president Walt Cain.

30 seconds < approximately the amount of time Shelby Thames abided by the Glamser-Stringer settlement term stating neither party would disparage the other.

$38,600 < legal expenses incurred by Frank Glamser and Gary Stringer defending themselves against Thames authority and solid grounds.

3701 Jamestown Road < 1. USM Presidential mansion; 2. since May of 2002, also known as the Berghof.

Thomas Cooley Law School < 1. East Lansing institution where Angeline Dvorak received her JD, and also went to pump up her resume.

Towering Inferno < the large conflagration that nearly occurred last year at a fraternity house at USM when a disgruntled USM student doused the place with gasoline and attempted to light it while all the brothers were asleep (happened in the middle of the night). The chapter’s president claimed that none of the house’s emergency exits was functional — a claim Lisa Mader disputed. Mader produced Physical Plant documentation showing that work on the exits had been done on the afternoon that the near mass-killing occurred. The problem is that same documentation showed that the work had been done in the afternoon, while the attack — what would’ve been the largest disaster to ever befall the USM campus — took place in the A.M. The Hattiesburg American published the timing of both events (i.e., the attack and the repairs), but the trouble is no one noticed the discrepancy. The chapter’s president maintains that Lisa Mader’s accounting of the events of that day are inaccurate (i.e., a lie).

TPD < 1. Thames Police Detachment; 2. small detail of USM police officers that escorts Shelby Thames to high-level administrative meetings and other campus wide activities.

Trent Lott Center for Excellence in ED & E < 1. new facility for USM’s Economic Development department; 2. $12 million house for Internet-based programs; 3. see Haley Barbour; 4. see Trent Lott.

truth4usm < 1. moderator of the website firethames.com; 2. winner of webster’s Glossary contest (see job snowball).

Tuesdays against Thames < 1. what Tuesdays with Thames has morphed into; 2. proof that Thames Peter Principled the Peter Principle.

Tuesdays with Thames < Tuesday meetings between Thames and students at the Hub that became necessary after the Peter Principle became clear (regarding Thames’ ability to lead USM).

Tuesdays with Thames II < 1. what Tuesdays against Thames has morphed into; 2. like the original Tuesdays with Thames, though now the only attendees are a handful of economic development students (who are forced to attend by Ken Malone, Angeline Dvorak and Tim Hudson; see HA, 2/14/04), Janet Braswell and Abbenyi Abbenyi (who goes only to get new cartoon ideas).

turtle President < 1. a university president who’s not afraid to stick his neck out and with whom the institution can get on down the road (Bud Holmes quote); 2. the problem is, that road can lead to disaster.

25% & 0% < representation of African-Americans in the USM student body and in upper levels of the Thames administration, respectively.

2 Trolleys < 1. the two trolleys USM "acquired" from the City of Hattiesburg, used to transport USM faculty/staff/students to restaurants in downtown Hattiesburg, all under to guise of economic development; 2. brainstorm of Ken Malone, and apparently a complete bust; 3. known as the Downtown Lunch Express.